Shelter
by aliensexual
Summary: <html><head></head>Ciel Phantomhive gets adopted by Sebastian Michaelis, but what happens when they both start feeling something for each other that they shouldn't?</html>
1. Chapter 1

**Warnings: Age difference (32/17 before anything happens).**

* * *

><p>Ciel is eight when his mother dies, and ten when his father has a heart attack. He survives the first one, but not the second barely a year later. He's eleven when he gets put into foster care. He spends the most miserable year of his life being mocked and ridiculed by his foster siblings, having his things stolen, his clothes ruined, everything about him picked apart. He's in a new school district and no one wants to be friends with the boy that sounds like a girl and enjoys craft time more than kickball at recess.<p>

Ciel knows that no one is going to want to adopt him. He knows that he's not the kind of kid anyone wants.

**He's a freak.**

**He's a fag.**

**He'd be better off dead.**

* * *

><p>When a sixteen year old with a gnarly attitude and a serious case of homophobia breaks his wrist and three of his ribs, Ciel is transferred out of that foster home. He spends a few weeks at a facility until they locate another home for him.<p>

He likes his caseworker at least. Her name is Red. She's older, and kind, and seems to try really hard for him.

"We have a new home for you," she says. "You'll be the only child there. He's requested that someone be placed with him that has difficulties fitting in but not violent tendencies, and - I think you could fit well there, Ciel. He's a very kind man."

Ciel is still wary. Everyone is kind of the case workers. How they are when the doors are closed and they're alone is a different story. "I can call you if he hurts me?"

"Of course. Any time, day or night," Red swears. She reaches out and squeezes his shoulder. "Would you like to meet with him?"

Ciel shrugs. It's not like staying here is any better.

* * *

><p>"I'm Sebastian Michaelis." He doesn't try to shake Ciel's hand, since his wrist is in a cast.<p>

He's possibly the most handsome man Ciel has ever seen. His hair is dark and currently pushed behind his ears, a few pieces falling into his face, his eyes and warm and inviting, and the black shirt he's wearing clings to his biceps in a way that makes Ciel just want to stare at forever.

Ciel blushes, so he tilts his chin up and says in the haughtiest voice he can manage. "Ciel Phantomhive."

"Well, Ciel Phantomhive, it's nice to meet you." Sebastian sits down on the couch in the small visitation room. He rests his hands on his knees and leans forward.

"You want to tell me about yourself?"

"No," Ciel says. He doesn't see the point. "You know you didn't have to meet with me. If you said you wanted me, they'd have stuck me in a car and it would have been done."

Mr. Michaelis frowns. "I want it to be your choice, too. If you don't think this will work, I wanted you to have the option to say no."

"Why?" Ciel asks, curiosity winning over contempt.

"Because... uh." Sebastian gives him a smile. "Because I'm gay, and I know that you might come from a background that says that's wrong. I really want to be able to foster a kid - you - and you give you a better life than you have right now, but I want it to be a good fit for both of us."

_Gay. Sebastian Michaelis is gay._

Ciel gets up and walks out.

* * *

><p>Red comes to see him later that night. She sits on the edge of his bed while he's at the head of it, knees tucked in against his chest and arms wrapped around them. "So that wasn't a good fit?" She sounds remorseful.<p>

Ciel shrugs and doesn't say anything.

"Can I ask why?" Red says.

Ciel might only be thirteen but he knows how to connect the dots. Red thinks he's gay, so she wants to put him in with a gay foster dad. He feels like someone is playing a mean joke on him. What if he's not even gay at all? He can't be gay. His dad wouldn't want him to be gay. But Red thinks he is. Just like all the other kids at school.

"Ciel," she says gently. "You don't have to tell me why, but I'd really appreciate it so I know what to look for when I move forward and consider other families for you."

His stomach turns unpleasantly when she mentions other families. At least at the facility there are plenty of authority figures around. None of the other kids are nice to him here but as long as he sticks close to one of the adults no one can beat him up.

If he goes into another home, it could be just like the last one.

He doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want to be here. But it's not like he has another option. His parents are dead and he has no other family. Disappointing the memory of his father hurts, but it's a different kind of pain than broken ribs and a fractured wrist.

_His dad wouldn't want him hurt, either, would he?_

"I'll go with him," Ciel says, voice shaky because he's so close to crying. He won't cry in front of her though. He doesn't cry in front of anyone. "I want to go with him."

"Oh." She sounds surprised. "Oh, Ciel - Ciel, I think this is for the best, really."

She reaches out and pats his knee. She's the only person that ever touches him.

Sometimes he wants to just throw himself at her and hug her hard, like he used to do to his mother. But she's not his mother and he's one of dozens of kids that she deals with, because that's what she gets paid to do.

He lays down and faces away from her. She takes the hint. "I'll call him in the morning and let him know."

* * *

><p>The system moves fast when they're freeing up a bed.<p>

Two days later he's in Red's car with his two carefully packed suitcases in the back seat. Red keeps up a steady chatter of conversation but Ciel doesn't bother to respond to any of it.

His stomach hurts and he just wants to get this over with.

Mr. Michaelis is waiting for him on the porch. He has jeans, and a black cardigan. Ciel is embarrassed at his own t-shirt and jeans. He doesn't really get any money, ever, and he's stuck with the clothes they give him. Besides the bullying, it's his least favorite thing about being in foster care. That and the way his skin is always oily lately, no matter how many times he washes with tepid water and store brand face soap.

Ciel thinks that Mr. Michaelis probably uses really good stuff to wash his face. Maybe Ciel can dig through the garbage and find some left once he's thrown a bottle away. The thought makes him happy.

Mr. Michaelis talks to Red briefly, who has to go. Ciel wishes he could ask her to stay but she's got other appointments, too big a workload to give him much more time than she has. She smooths his hair back and wishes him luck, reminds him that he can call her any time.

It almost doesn't hurt to watch her drive away. "Come on," Mr. Michaelis says, taking his bags. "I'll show you to your room."

"Is there a lock on the door?" Ciel asks.

His last home didn't have locks. He barely slept for months because they'd sneak into his room and try to take his stuff.

"Of course." Mr. Michaelis looks surprised. "You've got as much privacy as you want, Ciel. This is your room."

Mr. Michaelis shows him quickly around the house, narrating the tour to explain which door is Ciel's bathroom and other helpful tips, then they're at the bedroom.

It's nice. It's definitely nicer than his last foster home or the facility. There's a navy and charcoal bedspread on the bed, navy pillowcases and charcoal sheets folded down perfectly. There's a full length mirror and a decently sized closet (certainly bigger than he needs for his five t-shirts and two pairs of jeans) and a tv and a bookshelf half-full of books.

"Once you get settled in, we can head to the store and you can pick out some stuff for you," Mr. Michaelis says. "I'll leave you alone to unpack, I'm sure you want to explore."

He seems nervous, more nervous than Ciel is. Ciel doesn't say anything. He doesn't even turn around until he hears the door close.

* * *

><p>Ciel stays in his room for five hours.<p>

He'd already planned on avoiding Mr. Michaelis as much as he could, but the truth is - he likes the room. He likes it a lot. It's peaceful and it looks like a room with personality, or at least one with potential for personality. It's nothing like what he's used to and he never wants to leave it.

Mr. Michaelis eventually knocks on the door, calling out, "Ciel?"

Ciel opens the door with a cool, "Yes?"

"I just - you must be hungry. I thought we could order pizza, since it's a little late for the store. Going tomorrow might work better, though. We can make a day out of it." Mr. Michaelis gives him a bright smile. It makes his eyes scrunch up and he looks older like that.

Ciel wonders how old he actually is. Not as old as Ciel's dad, probably; twenties, maybe? Thirties? Everyone past eighteen just fits into that vague category of adult to him still.

"Do you like pizza?" Mr. Michaelis asks, when Ciel doesn't answer.

"Yes," Ciel says, because as much as he doesn't want Mr. Michaelis to get the idea that he likes being here, or likes him, he hasn't had pizza that wasn't served in a middle school lunchroom in ages and just the thought makes his mouth water. "Can I eat it in my room?"

Mr. Michaelis looks disappointed but he says, "Whatever you want."

When the pizza comes Ciel walks downstairs, peeking around the rest of the house - the kitchen and living room, the downstairs bathroom - and then retreats to his room.

It's almost eight pm when Mr. Michaelis knocks again. He's changed out of the clothes he'd been wearing and into pajama pants that look soft and warm, a dark plaid, and a t-shirt. "Hey, Ciel?"

Ciel opens the door but doesn't invite him in. Mr. Michaelis has something in his hands.

He sees Ciel looking and smiles, holding it out. "Here, I thought you might want this. It's my old laptop, but it still runs pretty well. I wiped everything off of it so you can start over fresh. Password protect it if you want."

"You - you're giving me a computer?" Ciel is dumbfounded. The last home didn't allow them internet access or free reign with the tv, and the facility had two ancient PCs with massive white monitors and beige towers that froze up and shut down as often as they worked. He hadn't even bothered.

"Like I said, it's not new or anything, but... yeah, it's yours." Mr. Michaelis holds it out to him. "I also just wanted you to know that anything in this house I give to you is yours. Your case worker explained to me that you had a problem with other people taking your things. Obviously you're the only kid here, but I still want to reassure you that I'm not going to take back anything I give to you."

"Really?" Ciel asks, heart thumping.

"Really." Mr. Michaelis smiles at him. "I'll leave you alone for the night. I hope you sleep well. If you need anything, I'm actually next door, okay?"

"Okay." Ciel swallows, taking the computer. He looks back up just as Mr. Michaelis is shutting the door and calls out, "Thank you."

The door pauses halfway to being closed. "You're welcome, Ciel."

Sebastian lays awake in his own bed, marveling over the fact that there's currently another person in his home.

_A person he's responsible for._

A person that will still be there when he wakes up in the morning. Hopefully - _fuck, what if he tries to run away? What if-_

Nerves prompt Sebastian back out of bed, walking to Ciel's room. The light is on under the door and he can hear a muted sound. Music? He strains to listen and decides that it's definitely music, though he can't make out what song.

He'd thought he'd have a chance to get to know Ciel right away. Even though the social worker had warned him that Ciel might be closed off to begin with, he hadn't really been anticipating absolutely no conversation.

The whole day had been anticlimactic but Sebastian knows that his own feelings aren't what is important here. If being alone is what it takes to make Ciel feel better, then Sebastian will leave him alone.

* * *

><p>It's Friday when Ciel arrives. Sebastian has already arranged for a long weekend; he'll need to go with Ciel on Monday to enroll at his new school. Sebastian isn't in the same district as Ciel's last one.<p>

He wakes up on Saturday morning planning on making breakfast, but when he gets into the kitchen he can see subtle signs that someone else has been there. Everything has been carefully replaced but he knows some of the bread is missing and there's a smear of jam along the drain of the sink, like something had been washed. Ciel must have gotten hungry.

Sebastian is glad Ciel felt comfortable enough to help himself and polite enough to clean up after himself but something about the way Ciel clearly tried to leave nothing disturbed makes Sebastian want to sigh.

He still wants breakfast for himself though, so he makes scrambled eggs and bacon and heats up a couple of muffins he'd made the day before. He goes upstairs and knocked gently on Ciel's door. "You hungry?" He asks, giving no signs that he knows Ciel has already eaten.

"No," Ciel says, though his nostrils flair a little as the scent of the eggs and bacon hits his nose.

"Are you sure?" Sebastian exaggerates his disappointment. "I made way too much for just me, and I hate it going to waste."

"Don't make too much next time," Ciel says.

"Okay. Good point. But for now... come have breakfast with me?" Sebastian gives Ciel the same pouty little smile that used to work so well on his mother.

It doesn't really have the same effect. Sebastian is pretty sure it's actually the bacon that seals the deal, but he manages to get Ciel downstairs and across from him.

Ciel isn't big on conversation but Sebastian just starts in on the little things he thinks Ciel might need to know - like how sometimes the downstairs toilet doesn't flush right and you have to jiggle the handle, what days the garbage runs on, how the neighbor across the street won't shut up once she gets going.

"So how do you feel about shopping today?" Sebastian asks.

Ciel looks uncomfortable again. "For what?"

Sebastian shrugs. "Stuff for your room?"

"It seems well furnished to me."

"Yeah, but - you know. Stuff to make it yours. It was just a guest room before. It looks very... guest-room-ish."

Ciel shrugs. "It's fine."

"Then clothes," Sebastian decides.

He can see that sparks something.

Sebastian grins. "I have a discount card if that makes you feel better."

"Obviously," Ciel snipes.

"Ouch." Sebastian puts a hand over his heart. "Hit me where it hurts."

Ciel has to try hard not to laugh but Sebastian can see the hints of it anyway.

"Okay then, young Mr. Phantomhive, where would you prefer to shop?" Sebastian rests his chin on his fist, elbow on the table. "Anywhere in the Mall."

"Anywhere is fine ," Ciel says, with more decisiveness than Sebastian would expect from a teenage boy.

"If we're limited to the mall."

"For now, yeah," Sebastian says, grinning.

* * *

><p>Ciel is hesitant for all of twenty minutes before he spots a rack of scarves and Sebastian can see him warming up. He's a kid in a candy shop, wanting to try on everything though it takes some encouraging from Sebastian before he's willing to buy. He keeps giving Sebastian little looks like he expects his growing pile of outfits to be yanked away.<p>

Sebastian is impressed listening to Ciel talking to the sales girl that follows them around the store making suggestions and running to get different sizes if something is too big for Ciel.

"How do you know all of this?" Sebastian asks.

Ciel shrugs, looking straight ahead at a display of socks. He reaches out and sifts through them as though it's taking all of his concentration. "My last foster mother got fashion magazines. Sometimes I'd take them and read them."

"We can get you some of those," Sebastian says, gears spinning in his mind. "You know - we don't have to get everything in the store. If you want things you aren't finding here, we can shop online tonight."

"Really?" Ciel is obviously desperately trying to control how much he wants to do that, but his resolve is slipping and the excitement is showing through.

"Yeah, absolutely." Sebastian grins at him, proud to have gotten something right.

They have lunch in the food court. Ciel looks amazed at the choices around him. Sebastian gives him ten bucks and says he can get what he wants. Ciel comes back with a huge cinnamon roll, a six inch sandwich, and a pretzel.

He looks at Sebastian with defiance in his eyes, like he's just waiting on Sebastian to tell him he can't have them.

Sebastian just eyes his choices and nods approvingly. He wonders how many times in his life Ciel has wanted something and been denied it. "I'm gonna go have to get one of those," he says, nodding at the cinnamon roll.

Ciel relaxes after a minute, satisfied with Sebastian's lack of admonishment. Then he digs in and demolishes his food with age-appropriate gusto.

"So, after we've finished lunch... I'm thinking we have clothes out of the way, so we can go with decor?" It's just a stab in the dark but if Ciel likes fashion and obviously has a definite opinion of what he thinks looks good together.

"Why would you want to spend more money on me than you already have?" Ciel asks. "I know you don't get paid that much for taking me in. There's a reason most families want as many as they can get."

"Ciel, I'm not doing this for the money. I have a job. It pays pretty well."

"What do you do?" Ciel asks.

"I own a little studio where we give music lessons, and sometimes we record instructional videos to put online." Sebastian keeps it simple for him.

"Really?" Ciel frowns.

"Yeah. Why?" Sebastian takes a bite of his own sandwich while he waits for Ciel to respond.

"If you aren't doing this for the money, I don't get it."

Sebastian shrugs. "I just wanted to help someone out."

"I don't need help," Ciel says immediately.

"Fine, then I just wanted to throw my own cash at someone," Sebastian teases, because he has a hunch he can. He has a hunch that Ciel isn't really as offended as he seems, that he just cares a lot about not looking like he needs anything from anyone.

"I realize what you're trying to do," Ciel says, licking icing from his thumb in a way that somehow still manages to look prim. "You're very transparent."

"Oh yeah? And what am I trying to do?"

"Buy my affections." Ciel states it plainly. "I just still don't know why."

"Well, is it working?"

Ciel glances down at the multiple bags around him. "It's a good start."

Sebastian laughs surprisingly loudly, earning a few looks from people at tables around them. "I'll take that."

* * *

><p>If you ask Sebastian, he'd say looking back that it took about a month before Ciel felt comfortable in the house.<p>

Once he gets to know Ciel, he realizes that Ciel is exceptionally good at many things - among those being the art of shutting people out. He's a fiercely independent child, who never should have had to learn how to assume that everyone was out to get something from him. Sebastian knows enough about Ciel's history from Red to understand just a little bit what kind of world he was ripped from and what he was dumped into.

It's fucked up, but it's not Ciel's fault. He's a unique kid in a world that doesn't really value unique kids.

He's exactly what Sebastian wanted when he realized on his twenty-eighth birthday that his life was just too lonely. He hadn't wanted a baby to raise, he hadn't wanted a younger child - he'd wanted someone that had less of a chance.

When the social worker told him there was a little boy with a history of physical abuse and being bullied, he'd been sold. When she said that she thought the kid might be gay, he'd known there was no way he wasn't giving this his best shot.

It's been worth it, though. He's spent a year watching Ciel come into his own. He's not shy or timid around Sebastian in the least anymore. He treats the house like it's his home and he isn't afraid to ask Sebastian when he needs something. Clothes, usually - to the point where Sebastian started giving him a generous allowance and unleashing him at the mall every weekend.

Now he's about to see Ciel through a milestone first - beginning high school.

"Ciel?" Sebastian calls out, halfway through making breakfast. "You look fine! Come eat something!"

"Hi," Ciel says, breathless as he bounds down the stairs. "How do I look?"

"I already said you look fine."

"Sebastian, you hadn't even seen what I was wearing." Ciel holds his arms out in a flourish.

The outfit is... well. It's very Ciel. Sebastian has learned to become diplomatic in his responses. "You look like you're making a statement."

Ciel beams at him, face flushed. "Good."

"Here, I made you an omelet." Sebastian slides the plate across to him. They usually eat at the kitchen island. There is a table but it seems so big and empty with just the two of them. Sebastian likes how cozy this is. "So, you remember what I said, right? If you have any problems-"

"Call you right away," Ciel recites. "It's high school, Sebastian, I think I'll be okay."

Sebastian knows that Ciel views everything through a lens of 'I've been through worse' but he still knows that high school students have their own unique brands of cruelty. Just because Ciel has been through it before doesn't mean it wouldn't suck it go through it again.

"Your phone is charged?" Sebastian asks.

Ciel rolls his eyes. "Yes, Sebastian. It's charged. And I also have that canister of mace."

"I hope you don't have to use it." Sebastian knows he's probably pushing a line and Ciel will start to balk soon but he can't help it.

He remembers his own freshman year of high school. The idea of Ciel going through that-

He might not really be Sebastian's kid, but Sebastian can't imagine loving him any more even if he were.

Ciel, somehow, despite everything, manages to both protect himself while also keeping some part of him guarded that secretly does believe that he can do whatever he wants, be whoever he wants, achieve everything he wants. The idea of Ciel suffering, at all... Sebastian just wants to wrap him up and protect him from the world.

* * *

><p>Ciel's freshman year of high school is unpleasant.<p>

He doesn't have to say it for Sebastian to know it. The defeat is etched into his slumping posture every time he comes home after a rough day.

And there's nothing Sebastian can do.

He hasn't shared his own high school horror stories with Ciel. He hasn't wanted to make anything Ciel was going through worse or give him new things to fear, but he meets with Ciel's teachers to make sure they're aware of what is going on and aware that Ciel has a guardian prepared to take steps to ensure Ciel's safety if the teachers aren't doing their jobs.

That only goes so far, though. He can't watch over Ciel once the bell has rung or on the weekends. He can only know as much of the story as Ciel tells him, and he remembers being that age. He remembers how much he didn't tell anyone and he knows Ciel must be keeping some secrets.

Sebastian can't do anything to make it better during school, so he does everything he can to make sure that Ciel has other things in his life to look forward to. He knows from overhearing shower concertos that Ciel has an interest in music, so he starts buying tickets to shows every weekend. The voice lessons are a snap, considering Sebastian runs a small music studio where he runs lessons and classes for children and teenagers. He does more as a business owner than a teacher these days but he gives Ciel free reign to choose what he wants to learn. He sticks with voice, not showing much interest in instruments yet. Sebastian keeps trying though.

He's determined to make sure that Ciel has every door open to him that he wants. Even if that means things like figuring out exactly how one gets a subscription to the Italian version of _Vogue_ and what _Marc Jacobs _lines are officially out of season and not worthy of being given as a Christmas present.

He loves finding things to bond with Ciel over, even the unexpected things - like how after finding his kitchen a wreck a few times he had decided to get Ciel cooking lessons. Those were met with a stern "Sebastian, you need these more than me," and Sebastian finds himself spending every other Sunday learning the difference between souffle and flambe.

They do make a pretty kickass breakfast once they combine their skills on that front, though. The Sunday morning breakfasts become a thing for them. Sebastian tells Ciel that he used to do that with his mom, brunch with fresh fruit and little sandwiches while he drank orange juice and watched her sip champagne.

Ciel tells him that when he was little he used to have tea parties and once his mother got too sick to leave the bed, his father would play along.

Ciel doesn't talk about his parents much, so when he does Sebastian makes sure he's listening.

The fifth time Ciel mentions New York inside of a month, Sebastian decides to splurge. He needs to do some traveling for work, a little meet and greet with a potential client for the new series of live, webcam based instructional classes he's hoping to get started.

The meeting doesn't have to happen in person, but he knows it will have more impact if it does, and if he's going to New York... it's not too much of a stretch to buy a second plane ticket.

He hands Ciel the envelope over breakfast.

Ciel takes it, giving Sebastian a quizzical look as he opens it. Sebastian makes sure he's holding up his phone to snap a picture of the expression on Ciel's face when the puzzle pieces lock into place.

"New York?" Ciel gasps, voice impossibly high. "Are you serious?"

"End of the week," Sebastian confirms. "I'll write you a note and maybe you can get your homework early and do it on the plane."

"Sebastian!"

He's never seen Ciel beam quite so brightly.

"So I take it that means you want to go...?" Sebastian teases.

Ciel shoves away from the table. "I have to go pack!"

"Ciel!" Sebastian calls after him, laughing. "It's only Tuesday-"

"I don't care!" He can hear Ciel's footsteps on the stairs as his voice fades. "Sebastian, I have to pack!"

Sebastian stays at the kitchen table finishing his breakfast, a huge smile on his face. Does he spoil Ciel? Maybe, but it's not like Sebastian has much else to spend his money on. His trust fund easily paid for his house and car, and the studio thrives with no rival music schools close enough to be real competition.

Spoiling Ciel is a wonderful hobby considering everything Ciel's been through. Ciel appreciates it, and Sebastian appreciates being able to put that smile on Ciel's face.

* * *

><p>New York is everything Ciel thought it would be.<p>

Sebastian books them a hotel room with a view that Ciel doesn't stop staring at until Sebastian reminds him that it's time to actually go out into the city.

They only have four days. A mid-afternoon flight brings them into the city on a Friday and a later evening one will see them back home Monday. Ciel already knows it won't be enough time, barely three hours into the trip.

"I want to move here one day," he tells Sebastian.

Sebastian doesn't look that surprised. "Yeah?"

"Yes." Ciel changes his mind and rephrases it. "I'm going to move here one day."

"You should apply to colleges here," Sebastian says. "You know I'd help you pay for it."

Ciel still isn't sure how Sebastian does that, how he can turn Ciel's world upside down with an offer and make it sound like he's asking Ciel what he wants for lunch.

Sebastian has a full weekend lined up for them. Ciel is never happy just to play passenger on a ride though. Sebastian says they can take cabs and it will be easier but Ciel wants to feel like a real New Yorker.

Standing there studying the maps and feeling rushed by the crowd leaves him feeling like anything but the native he wants to be, but Sebastian indulges him in this, too.

Sebastian has tickets to a show for them, and reservations for a late dinner afterward. Ciel is dead on his feet by the time they make it back to the hotel room but he's never been happier in his life.

"So it was good?" Sebastian asks for the third time.

Ciel isn't sure why he is the one that seems nervous. "Of course. It was amazing. It was... thank you."

He blurts out the last part. Sebastian told Ciel long ago that he should just accept Sebastian doing things for him, paying for things, and for the most part Ciel is used to just going with it. But this is different, this is more, above and beyond, and Ciel wants Sebastian to know that he knows it.

Sebastian's hand settles on his back, between his shoulder blades, and then slides over to grip and squeeze his shoulder in a one-armed hug. "I'm just glad you're having fun."

They spend Sunday morning in Central Park, enjoying their weekly brunch while sitting on a huge rock formation and watching the people walk by with their dogs.

"I want one like that!" Ciel says, pointing at a businessman in a dapper suit with curly hair walking a Bernese Mountain dog.

"Ciel, that dog is bigger than you are," Sebastian laughs.

"Is not!" Ciel elbows him.

"Besides, you'd die with all of that dog hair on your clothes."

Ciel gives him a sideways look. He can't really argue that point. "Okay, then one of those, maybe." He points to a little French bulldog with a pink collar complete with rhinestones shining in the sunlight waddling along behind her owner.

"That one is definitely you," Sebastian agrees. "You could dress her up!"

"What if it's a him?" Ciel challenges him, smirking.

"Fine, you could dress him up. Like you'd let gender lines get in the way, anyway," Sebastian says.

And - that's the thing about Sebastian, really. He can say things like that, things that Ciel would be offended by if anyone else said it, but Sebastian never judges him.

He can just be with Sebastian. He doesn't have to worry about sending the wrong impression or saying the wrong thing. No matter what he says, Sebastian won't flinch. No matter how ill-advised an outfit is, no matter how outlandish his accessories are, Sebastian just... accepts him.

Ciel looks back at the dogs and bites his lip, smiling.

* * *

><p>Sebastian leaves Ciel at the hotel room Monday morning when he goes for his meeting, but comes back to get him for lunch.<p>

"Where are we going?" Ciel asks, giving himself another once-over in the mirror.

"How do I look?"

"It's a surprise, and you look fine," Sebastian says.

Ciel rolls his eyes. "You would think so."

"Hey!" Sebastian pouts. "You don't like what I'm wearing?"

Ciel sighs and turns to study his outfit, one hand on his hip. "It's very... you," he finally says, diplomatic because, well, Sebastian is paying for this whole trip. The least he can do is tone down his critical eye.

"I thought I looked cute." Sebastian nudges him out of the way. "The barista did, too."

"What?" Ciel frowns and looks at him.

Sebastian smirks. "He gave me his number."

"Oh." Ciel is flustered. He has no idea how to respond to that. Sebastian doesn't - he doesn't talk about guys like that.

Ciel doesn't mind. He knows Sebastian is gay. And that's fine - if Sebastian is gay. Sebastian just doesn't talk about it like that.

"Ciel? I promise, you look fine."

Ciel realizes that Sebastian is waiting by the door, smiling patiently. "Oh, I'm ready."

He grabs a light jacket and follows out behind Sebastian.

* * *

><p>"So, you said you used to have tea parties with your parents..." Sebastian says, eager and obviously a little nervous as he leads Ciel inside the small restaurant.<p>

"It's..." Ciel smiles, looking around. "I read about this place in the book. We're... going to have a tea party?"

"Unless you don't want to, but speak soon because we're about to be seated," Sebastian says. His voice goes gentle. "If you don't want to, it's fine, though. We can go somewhere else."

Ciel blinks hard a few times.

His mother would have loved this. He wonders if she ever came here? If she'd ever been to New York at all? If she even liked tea parties, or if that was just an indulgence for her little boy?

It doesn't matter, he decides. There's no one left to share with him the things about his mother that he doesn't know, so he has to hold to the memories that he does have.

He reaches out and takes Sebastian's hand, the first time he's ever done that.

Sebastian's fingers are warm and sure on his. "Let's have tea."

He lets go as soon as the woman approaches to seat them.

"There was a kind of herbal tea my mother used to drink," Ciel says quietly, eyes skimming the list. "It was - this one. Vervain. It tasted like lemons."

"Was there a certain kind your dad liked?" Sebastian asks.

Ciel shrugs. "I don't remember. I don't think he even really liked tea. He was probably more of a beer and soda guy."

"Well, I don't think they serve those here," Sebastian says. "So I'll get the Sessa and maybe we can try each other's."

They order scones and sandwiches and sip their tea and discuss the weekend and things they want to do next time (Sebastian says it so casually, dropping it into the conversation like it's nothing). The conversation wanders between school and gossip between employees at the studio and back around to New York again, colleges and programs and what Ciel might want to study.

He's not sure how two hours passes so quickly but eventually Sebastian says, "We should be heading back to the hotel room to get our stuff."

"Whyyyyy..." Ciel pouts.

"Nuh uh." Sebastian points at him. "Turn those eyes off, that's not going to work."

Ciel can't hold the pout, he laughs too easily. "I learned it from you. Is that - is that how you got that guy's number?"

He's not curious, not really. He's just... well, a tiny bit curious, fine.

"What? No. That was just my natural charm." Sebastian tugs on his cardigan and preens.

"Your natural dorkiness," Ciel counters.

"Whatever. We can't all be at the Ciel Phantomhive level," Sebastian says, and

again, it's one of those things that should make Ciel feel like he's being mocked but - Sebastian doesn't, Sebastian wouldn't.

"Too true," Ciel says, smirking. "Are you going to call him?"

"What? Oh? The coffee guy? Why would I, we're headed home today. I don't have time for that anyway," Sebastian shrugs dismissively.

Ciel finds himself relieved, though he's not sure why.

* * *

><p>Choir is easily the best thing that's happened to Ciel, besides Sebastian.<p>

Sure, Grell is obnoxious and Lizzy is a little creepy sometimes with how she stares at him, but Edward is in his class now now and that makes everything in the world a little bit better as long as he doesn't stop and think too hard about why he likes being around Edward so much.

He doesn't even realize that he's spent all of dinner talking about choir until Sebastian stops being able to hold back his grin.

"-and then Edward said- what?"

"Edward said?" Sebastian prompts him.

"No, you're laughing." Ciel narrows his eyes. "Are you laughing at me?"

"Ciel! No. No, I'm not, I swear." Sebastian holds his hands up. "I think it's amazing that the club is going so well for you. It's just-"

"What?" Ciel insists.

"Don't get mad at me?" Sebastian asks.

"Why would I..."

"Just, you've mentioned Edward like - twelve times."

"Oh." Ciel lets his fork drop.

He feels kind of sick. Is he that obvious that Sebastian can pick up on it?

_If Sebastian knows, everyone must know._

And they always have - back to the care facility, to that awful first foster home, all those kids teasing him, mocking him, taunting him. And before that? His parents? He remembers baby pictures of himself in his mother's heels. They all knew.

"Ciel..." Sebastian sighs. "Hey, look at me? Ciel?"

Ciel forces himself to look up.

"You know I'm gay. You know if there's ever anything you want to tell me, I'm here to talk. If you have any questions..." Sebastian looks so open and honest when he says it. It helps to ground Ciel and give him something to cling to.

"Ciel?" Sebastian prompts again. "Do you have any questions?"

Ciel isn't dumb. He knows what Sebastian is trying to lead him to. He's just not there yet. And he does have questions, he has has a million questions but none of them he feels like he could ask without dying of embarrassment.

Except one, maybe.

"Why don't you date?"

That clearly isn't what Sebastian had been expecting. It's not something they've discussed in the two years Ciel has been there, beyond that one guy in New York.

But in school people are pairing off left and right and Ciel understands why no one wants to date him but he's not sure about Sebastian.

"I... um." Sebastian stammers.

"You're... you're attractive." Ciel only stumbles over the words a little bit. It's objective, right? It doesn't mean he's admitting anything. "And successful. Why don't you date?"

"I just haven't had time." Sebastian shrugs. "I dated a guy a few months before you came to live here. He turned out to be an asshole and I didn't feel like trying again. Then I had you, and come on - you're better conversation than most boyfriends would be."

Ciel preens a little. He and Sebastian do get along well. They might not have the history that a real father and son would have, but they have things in common.

Ciel can't imagine that at this age he'd be getting along with his real father as well as he does with Sebastian. Not that he wouldn't give anything for the chance to find out. His face falls remembering his dad and suddenly he isn't hungry anymore.

Sebastian might accept him, but his father wouldn't want a gay son.

So that's really all there is to it. He just... can't be gay.

Ciel knows he can't be gay, but apparently his dreams disagree.

He wakes in the middle of the night humping the bed, hazy memories of strong hands on his skin. He's so close and his hips rut forward a couple of times as he buries his face in his spit-damp pillow. His cock jerks and coats the inside of his underwear in sticky hot come.

He feels like crying because it's so good and so wrong at the same time.

Because he doesn't want to be this and he doesn't want to think those things or feel this way.

He slides out of his underwear, folds them carefully and wipes at his cock before tiptoeing to the hamper and carefully hiding them away under dirty towels from the day before.

* * *

><p>The next day when Sebastian comes home from work, Ciel is on the couch with Lizzy straddling him and trying to get to second base.<p>

After twenty minutes of making out with her, he's not sure why anyone would be straight or gay.

Kissing is wet and gross and her tongue is everywhere and the most pleasant thing about it is the faint bubblegum taste of her lip gloss. He wonders if she'd tell him what brand it is.

He feels a grim satisfaction when Sebastian walks in on them, though.

Sebastian just looks at him, taken aback, and then shakes his head a little. "Um. Hi there, Ciel. And... friend."

Lizzy's blonde hair swishes across Ciel's face when she sits up and looks over her shoulder. He makes a face and pushes it aside. "Hi! You must be Ciel's dad. Wow, Ciel, you have a hot dad."

"He's not my dad," Ciel says, and at the same time-

"I'm not really his dad."

"Oooh." Lizzy's face lights up. "Are we going to have a threesome? Older guys are hot. I like it better with two girls, but this one guy on the football team-"

"Lizzy!" Ciel hisses.

Sebastian doesn't look surprise anymore, just really - amused. "Ciel didn't tell me he had a date he was bringing over. It's very nice to meet you, Lizzy. Ciel? I'm gonna go upstairs and get changed. I can hit the gym if you guys want to hang out for a little bit longer. Are you staying for dinner, Lizzy? I can swing by Breadstix and pick up enough for three."

"No!" Ciel's eyes go wide and panicky. "No, she's not staying for dinner."

"But I like breadsticks." Lizzy frowns.

Ciel nudges her off. "Lizzy was actually just leaving."

"Oh. Was I? I must have forgotten." Lizzy gets up, pulling lip gloss out of her pocket to reapply it. "Bye, Ciel. This was fun. Bye, guy who lives in Ciel's house."

"Bye, Lizzy." Sebastian waves, heading upstairs just like he'd said he was going to do.

Ciel watches after him, annoyed. This hadn't gone at all like he'd planned.

* * *

><p>"I'm gay."<p>

Ciel knows Sebastian knows, but he still needs to say it.

So one day he just - does. His brief attempt at heterosexuality with Lizzy had been an dismal failure.

The Edward fiasco is over, that crush buried under the embarrassment of having it.

Ciel has survived his first crush, survived the public humiliation that came with Edward's outburst on him, survived the first unreciprocated crush someone has had on him.

He's survived it all and the world hadn't ended. He'd been forced to come out to Lizzy after and hadn't needed to come out to anyone else.

But if there's anyone he feels safe with, and safe being honest with, it's Sebastian.

When Sebastian looks him in the eye and says, "Ciel, I'm so proud of you," Ciel breaks down.

Sebastian looks alarmed, closing the space between them to draw Ciel into a hug.

"Hey, it's okay, you know that, right? There is nothing wrong with you for how you were born."

_It's not okay._ Ciel shakes his head. "I know, I just-"

He can't get the words out. He just cries harder, dampening Sebastian's shirt.

Sebastian rubs his back in wide circles until Ciel calms down. "Ciel, what is it? What's wrong?"

"I think my parents would have hated me," he finally admits. The words hurt to say. "I don't know about my mom, but I think my dad would be disappointed."

"Ciel..." Sebastian looks heartbroken for him. "I never met your parents. I can't tell you for sure one way or the other. But I can't imagine that your parents wouldn't have loved you. You are an amazing kid, and if they were the decent people you remember them to be then they'd have recognized how lucky they were to have you."

Ciel's breath hiccups and he doesn't say anything, but his tears do stop.

"Convincing yourself that you're less than what they'd have wanted won't do you any good, Ciel. And it's doing them a disservice by assuming the worst about them. Remember how they did love you, when you had each other, and let that be your guide," Sebastian says.

"Okay," Ciel finally whispers, because it's not like a few words can erase how he feels but somehow what Sebastian says does help some. It makes sense, and maybe if he reminds himself of that (or has Sebastian remind him) then he can stop being so miserable over it.

"Now." Sebastian cups his tear-stained cheeks and then kisses his forehead.

"Let's order pizza and watch a movie. We can objectify some hot guys together."

Ciel groans and laughs. "You just want an excuse to play superhero movies again."

"You know you like it," Sebastian teases him. "Don't try and lie. Superheroes are awesome."

Ciel still has his cheek resting against Sebastian's shoulder. He loves how Sebastian's arms feel around him. It's secretly his favorite thing, has been for years now. But he knows he has to let go eventually, so he does. "I'm going to wash my face. No anchovies on the pizza, please."

Sebastian strokes his fingers through Ciel's hair one more time. "Whatever you want."

Sebastian would actually make a pretty terrific father.

Ciel hopes that Sebastian gets that chance for real one day. Sebastian is exactly what a kid needs to grow up with. Ciel wouldn't trade the eight years he had with his mother or the ten with his father for anything, but he knows any child would be lucky to call Sebastian their dad.

He's patient with Ciel when Ciel has his teenager moments. He's willing to go along with Ciel on his whims, he is at least moderately good at pretending to be interested the things Ciel is interested in, he shows concern over what goes on at school without being overbearing about it. He checks on Ciel's grades regularly but doesn't make him feel awful if he doesn't get top marks in something.

He encourages Ciel to follow his dreams and Ciel knows that Sebastian will support him emotionally and financially.

It's not that surprising when Sebastian says, "I know we've got a few months to go still, I'm setting you up with a bank account for your sixteenth birthday."

"Really?" Ciel's face lights up.

"Yeah. I'll start depositing your allowance straight into it, and if you want pick up any extra money you can work part time at the studio." In the years since he's lived with Sebastian, Ciel hasn't shown a passion for instruments like he does singing but he has turned out to be fairly proficient with the piano.

"And... if you want... we can look at getting you a car."

"Sebastian..." Ciel's jaw drops. "That's too much."

"I'm not talking about something brand new." Sebastian goes on, ignoring Ciel's protest. "But we can check out a few used car dealerships and see what kind of price range we want to set."

Ciel wraps his arms around himself. "Sebastian, you don't have to do this. I can get a job and get a car for myself."

"I know I don't have to do this, Ciel." Sebastian reaches a hand out and rests it on Ciel's knee. "I want to, okay? I could make you get a job and pay for it yourself if I really wanted to, but I'd rather you use your time after school and on the weekends working towards a college. Or, if you change your mind, then whatever school you end up wanting to go to. Your future is important to me. You are important to me, Ciel."

Sebastian doesn't say I love you to him. It's just not a sentiment they exchange.

Ciel's memories of I love you are linked with his parents; his mother's warm arms and soft, sweet-smelling embrace and his father's smooth voice in his ear, hand solid and grounding as it holds Ciel's smaller one.

But Ciel hopes he doesn't really need for Sebastian to say it to know it.

Ciel lunges forward and throws his arms around Sebastian, hugging him tightly. Sebastian goes stiff for a second before he hugs back, but when he does he gives it his all. This is familiar in a different way from his parents, he realizes. The smell of Sebastian and cologne, the strength in his arms. Even the smoothness of Sebastian's cheek against his own.

"Thank you," Ciel whispers.

Sebastian's arms squeeze him briefly. "You're welcome, Ciel."

* * *

><p>Sebastian doesn't see his parents often.<p>

They moved a year before Sebastian graduated high school, flying back once for his graduation and then - to the best of his knowledge - never returning. They're still married, technically, but he knows they're rarely in the same city anymore.

He talks to his mother on the phone once or twice a week and his father once a month, usually, but sometimes the calls go missed and neither of them are motivated to try too many times.

Neither of his parents have met Ciel. Neither of them show any real signs of even wanting to. He suspects that it wouldn't matter if he adopted Ciel, that it wouldn't make a difference.

He's not totally without family, though. When Ciel is fifteen, they get a visit from Sebastian's brother.

Claude sweeps into town with gifts more appropriate for someone half Ciel's age and makes himself at home.

Claude comes, entirely accidentally, during Ciel's spring break.

Sebastian had planned on bringing Ciel into the studio with him during the week if he wanted, or just leaving him to lounge at home or hang out with his friends if he didn't, but once Claude is there Ciel is...

Well, he's besotted. Fully, and very obviously, besotted.

"You're from-" Ciel gapes, recognizing Claude right away from his role on a daytime tv show.

"Sebastian! Why didn't you tell me!"

Sebastian shrugs. He's amused by Ciel's reaction, and happy to see his brother.

"Yep. And you must be the kid my brother won't stop talking about." Claude reaches out to ruffle Ciel's hair.

Ciel turns bright red. "I'm fifteen," he says.

"Oh, not so much of a kid, my bad. You look young, though. But that's good. If you tried to act, it would come in really handy. No one wants to hire kids that look their actual age. It's one of the golden rules," Claude says.

"Golden rules?" Ciel asks, eyes wide and a charmed smile on his face, and that's what tips Sebastian off.

That and the way Ciel listens and hangs on every word Claude says like it's the most interesting thing in the world. No one actually listens that much to Claude when he talks unless they want something - usually in his pants.

He knows Ciel is fifteen, but the idea of Ciel wanting that still seems...well, Sebastian isn't sure exactly how he feels about that.

Claude offers to take Ciel along with him when he goes to reconnect with some of his friends and Ciel practically trips over himself saying yes. When they sit to all hang out and watch a movie he isn't nearly as subtle as he thinks when he arranges it so that Claude sits in the middle and has to reach into Ciel's lap for the popcorn.

Sebastian tries to tell himself that he has no reason to worry. It's not like he'd worry about Claude doing anything - Claude has demonstrated through years of unflattering womanizing that he is thoroughly straight.

Claude just really likes attention. He doesn't just like it, he feeds on it. He adores being adored, and right now Ciel is fitting that bill nicely.

Around the middle of the week Sebastian realizes that the gnawing feeling he's experiencing isn't actually worry, at all.

It's jealousy.

He doesn't like admitting it, but he'd spent most of his childhood in Claude's shadow. He'd grown up knowing he was the slightly more disappointing child.

Everything from his sexuality to his lack of desire to play sports to his decision to stay in his hometown and something as unglamorous as teach music had caused his parents to sigh a little bit and remind him of Claude's career, Claude's house in Los Angeles, Claude, Claude, Claude. Even in high school, he lived in Claude's shadow. Sebastian might be able to hold his own vocally, but Claude has presence, Claude has a leading man look.

Sebastian crosses his arms over his chest as he stands in the doorway watching Ciel try to teach Claude how to dice onions for an omelet. He watches Ciel biting his lip as his hand darts over to close over Claude's and show him the right knife motions. Ciel lets go as soon as he's done, pushing his hair out of his face, a nervous gesture that Sebastian recognizes.

He really hadn't counted on Ciel being one more thing he'd have to share with Claude. Sunday morning breakfast is their thing. But he remembers being a kid with a crush and it's not like him having one on Clauds hurts anything.

He should focus on the good things. That Ciel is coming to terms with his sexuality enough to have a crush like this and not beat himself up. That Ciel will have one more person in his life he feels like he can talk to and count on. (As much as anyone can count on Claude.) That Ciel might feel more like he's Sebastian's family, having a connection to Sebastian's actual family.

And Claude is only here for a week. He's catching a flight back to Los Angeles Monday morning.

"You know, I think I'll leave the cooking to you, kid." Claude puts a hand on Ciel's shoulder and squeezes. "You're pretty good. If you go the culinary route, I'd definitely hire you on as my personal chef."

"Really?" Ciel squeaks.

"Oh, yeah. Tell Sebastian to bring you out to Los Angeles for a visit and you can see how you feel about the city." Claude gives his shoulder another squeezes and then sits down.

Sebastian steps forward then. "Need some help?" He asks Ciel, looking at all of the unchopped vegetables.

Ciel smiles at him, happiness radiating from him. "Sure. Claude likes mushrooms too, so do enough of those for him."

"Sure thing," Sebastian says, voice easy. He stands by Ciel, shoulder to shoulder, while Claude sits behind them at the table checking emails on his phone.

Claude leaves with a flurry of extravagant promises that Sebastian knows him well enough to know that he won't keep, and life gets back to normal.

For Sebastian, normal life has become Ciel. He goes with his choir to sectionals and then regionals, sitting in the front row of each. He listens to Ciel vent and learns all the nitty gritty details about all the other club members.

He's probably the most involved parental figure, because he lets the students come take lessons for half-off and he even goes in once in a while to fill in for Mr. Spears when he's unavailable.

Lizzy, Grell and Doll become semi-permanent fixtures around the house.

Sebastian foots the bill for more than one impromptu pizza party sleepover and sometimes they even ask him to stay and hang out.

He likes that Ciel never seems bothered or embarrassed by his presence. He likes that Ciel is a smart enough kid to not ever do anything Sebastian would really have to get strict with him about beyond warning him to curb his shopping habit once in awhile.

He knows he could have done a lot worse with foster kids. Ciel is only a couple of years away from college, and Sebastian still hasn't decided if he'll do this again when Ciel leaves. Lightning won't strike twice, but maybe he'll change his mind once Ciel is actually gone... even though just thinking about that gives him a pang.

* * *

><p>Sebastian knows that Ciel spent most of his sophomore year being harassed by a meathead jock named Bard. He wouldn't have hesitated to pull Ciel out of the school the second Ciel finally came clean with him, but Ciel makes the decision to finish the year there.<p>

They look at other options over the summer, visiting a few schools before Ciel decides on one.

"I went there for most of high school," Sebastian explains, showing Ciel the brochures. "It's a really great school. They even have a choir that's top notch. It's an a capella group."

"Let me guess," Ciel asks, bumping his shoulder into Sebastian's. "You were lead vocalist?"

"Why how did you know?" Sebastian feigns ignorance, laughing when Ciel rolls his eyes. He has the two Nationals trophies that he won with him that helm proudly on display along with a framed photo of the group. "I loved that school, Ciel. I think you will, too. But it's your decision."

"Yeah, then. I want to go," Ciel says. "I'm tired of no one even noticing what's going on."

The anxiety on Ciel's face is genuine. Sebastian wraps an arm around his shoulder and hugs him in close, kissing the top of his head when Ciel rests it on Sebastian.

Ciel's shampoo smells good and Sebastian's eyes slide shut, letting himself linger.

His new school is almost an hour and a half away from their house, so Ciel decides to board.

It makes perfect sense on paper, but Sebastian isn't prepared for the emotional impact of Ciel suddenly not being around five days a week.

The house is empty without Ciel's voice filling it up. There's no smell of coffee when Sebastian rolls out of bed in the mornings. No one drops by the music studio around four with a muffin for him. His evenings are spent alone in front of the tv, staring at the spot where Ciel usually sits cross-legged on the floor doing his homework.

He misses Ciel.

He makes himself wait until the third night to call. Ciel keeps him updated through text messages fairly thoroughly, but something in him won't settle until he hears how it's going from Ciel himself.

He sounds happy enough, downright chipper when he answer the phone with, "Sebastian!"

"Ciel." Sebastian stretches out on the couch, smiling. "You busy?"

"No, I'm just in my dorm room doing homework. Blah. My old school is so far behind. The history teacher is letting me postpone the test they're supposed to be taking tomorrow, since I showed up mid-semester, but I'll have to study all weekend."

"Aw, really?" Sebastian is disappointed. "I was hoping we could do something together."

"Like what?" Ciel asks.

"I don't know. There is a musical in town - do you think you could take a study break for that?" He asks, hopeful. They've seen it at least four times, but it's Sebastian's favorite.

"Maybe... I don't know." Ciel sounds distracted. "Sebastian? I'm sorry, one of the guys just sent me a text asking if I wanted to meet them for dinner."

"Really?" Sebastian is excited. It's impossible not to react that way to the mix of nerves and eagerness in Ciel's voice. "So are you in? You never told me what your audition song was."

"I'll call you later and fill you in, I swear, but I have to go - bye!" He hangs up before Sebastian can say anything.

* * *

><p>Ciel does come home that weekend, but the tickets for the musical go unused.<p>

Sebastian doesn't really end up caring. Ciel wants help studying, so they camp out in the living room with Chinese takeaway and he quizzes Ciel from the study guide.

Sebastian makes him take frequent gossip breaks and he revels in how vibrant and happy Ciel sounds.

"You love it there, don't you?" He asks.

Ciel is caught off guard, puzzled since he'd been expecting another study guide question. "Oh - I am. I think. The guys are nice and it's... I forgot what it felt like not to have to watch my back all day, every day."

"Ciel..." Sebastian sighs, putting the book down.

Sometimes in moments like this Sebastian wishes Ciel were younger, young enough that he could fold Ciel up in his arms and actually protect him.

But he's not. Ciel is almost grown, an almost finished person, and the best Sebastian can do is give him every opportunity to protect himself.

"What?" Ciel asks.

"Nothing. You're just... amazing."

Ciel looks surprised, and then he blushes. "I'm not."

"No, you are. Hey, put the book down. Let's just hang out for a while, okay?" Sebastian suggests.

"Come on. I missed you."

Ciel's smile goes soft and crinkles his eyes up. "I missed you too, Sebastian."

"I've got a fourth of a cheesecake left with our name on it..." Sebastian gets up, reaching down to push Ciel's bangs back from his face as he walks by.

"And a nice bottle of wine?" Ciel asks hopefully, calling after Sebastian.

"Red would kill me." Sebastian shouts back until he realizes Ciel is in the kitchen, too. He lowers his voice. "She'd murder me in my sleep."

Red doesn't actually do much more than call to check in a few times a month.

Sebastian isn't even sure if it's because she really needs to anymore, or if she just likes knowing that Ciel's doing well. Whatever reason he likes that there's another adult in Ciel's life that Ciel knows cares.

"Sebastian." Ciel pouts, bottom lip out.

Sebastian's stomach does a little flip. He caves almost instantly. "One glass."

One glass turns into a bottle split between them.

Sebastian hasn't really let Ciel drink this much before, but he'd rather Ciel understand responsible drinking and know his limitations before he ends up at one of his schools weekend parties on his own.

Ciel, as it turns out, is a giggly drunk.

He's also an affectionate drunk. He ends up tucked in against Sebastian, practically in his lap. Sebastian keeps thinking he should shift away a little bit but half a bottle has Sebastian ever so slightly buzzing.

Ciel is warm and he smells good and Sebastian doesn't get much affection in his daily life. It's... nice.

Halfway through the movie Ciel is slumped against him fast asleep. He's adorable like this, baby fat still clinging to his cheeks though it's obvious he's growing into himself more and more every day.

Sebastian gets him stretched out on the couch and gathers up their wine glasses and dishes from dinner. It's not enough to start the dishwasher so he washes them by hand, humming to himself in the peaceful quiet of the kitchen.

He passes through the living room again on his way to take the trash out and notices Ciel has shifted from his side onto his back. He smiles and makes a note to put a blanket over him when he comes back through, or maybe just wake him up and send him off to bed.

When he opens the door to come back inside the first thing he's met with is a high whimper though, an almost pained noise. He frowns. Is Ciel having a nightmare?

_No._

_No, Ciel's not._

His face heats up when he sees that Ciel has one knee up against the back of the couch and his fingers loosely curled around the obvious shape of a hard on over his pajama pants.

Fuck. Red never warned him about this kind of situation.

Ciel's mouth falls open, lips cherry red and panting. His hips twitch up against his hand and another of those little muted noises slips out.

He's having a sex dream. Or some kind of dream that's really getting him worked up. Sebastian isn't so far removed from teenage years or sexual frustration to remember what wet dreams are like, and he's had a suspicion since Ciel was fourteen and start insisting he do his own laundry, but Ciel has his own bathroom and Sebastian never enters his room without knocking. Somehow they've manage to sidestep any true awkwardness related to it.

He's actually managed pretty well just assuming nothing of Ciel as any kind of sexual being except related to the emotional impact of his sexuality, but that firmly ingrained concept of Ciel as a forever-thirteen year old is shattering in front of his eyes as he watches Ciel get off and can't bring himself to step away.

The whines become faster and his hips twitch harder, humping the air and his hand. Sebastian needs to - he needs to leave. Go upstairs, go to bed, give Ciel some privacy.

But he stands there rooted to the spot until Ciel's hand shoves down and his hips shove up and his whole body does a spastic little jerk. His face scrunches up tight and then he goes utterly, bonelessly relaxed.

A damp spot spread across the front of his pajamas, barely noticeable unless you're looking closely -

and Sebastian is.

Then he backs away so fast he almost trips, turns and heads upstairs without remembering to lock the front door or put a blanket over Ciel. He closes his bedroom door gently and locks it then - cursing himself for an utter lack of willpower and for how long it's been since he's gotten laid - pushes his pajama pants to mid-thigh and jerks off right there, back against the door, panting until he comes muffled against his palm.

* * *

><p>The next afternoon Ciel is back at school and Sebastian is left alone, shaken and confused and trying to bury his guilt under rationalizations that feel weak to his own ears.<p>

On Thursday night he does something he hasn't done in four years. He goes out, goes to a bar and picks up a pretty little thing, pale and pretty in his mid-twenties, and fucks him against a bathroom wall.

That'll fix it, right? Because getting off to his sixteen year old foster kid's wet dreams surely just means his own backlog of sexual frustration has hit maximum capacity, and getting laid - that's the answer.

That has to be the answer.

* * *

><p>His choir makes it to Nationals.<p>

Ciel comes home the weekend after they get the competition information and itinerary bursting at the seams with excitement.

"You'll come, right?" Ciel asks, eyes wide. He can't imagine this without Sebastian.

"Ciel!" Sebastian shakes his head, grinning. "Do you think I'd miss it? Not a chance. I'll be there, front row. Hell, I might try to put my old uniform on and sneak on stage with you."

"Sebastian!" Ciel narrows his eyes. "I will not share my spotlight with you. Don't even joke about it."

"Spotlight?"

Right. That's the other bit of news Ciel has. He bites his lip and beams. "I have a solo. Well - not a solo, it's a duet, but it's half a solo."

"Ciel, that is amazing." Sebastian grabs him and pulls him in for a tight hug. "You are going to be amazing."

Ciel is amazing. All of them are, but Ciel shines. He's not afraid to admit it, and if he'd had any doubts the thunderous applause and the way the audience shoots to their feet would have reassured him.

Their second number falls a little flatter, though, and they just can't quite compare to some of the other groups. They land a respectable six in the top ten, good enough to walk out with their heads held high but not so good that it turns into a group celebration.

Ciel doesn't even mind.

He'd spent the previous night enduring the choir's version of club bonding. He likes his fellow choir well enough but he finds that he has no desire to spend another night with them. Most of them were more interested in seeing if there was good porn on the TV menu than actually appreciating the city they were in.

Sebastian has a room in the same hotel, a nice upgraded suite with a double bed and a couch. The chaperon says he doesn't mind if Ciel moves there, and Ciel considers a night on the couch very much worth not having to share the bathroom with four guys that tease him for his hair care and skincare routine, leave facial hair in the sink without cleaning it off, and forget to flush the toilet.

Teenage boys are disgusting. But Sebastian is a perfect gentleman when it comes to sharing a room.

Ciel hadn't even waited to move his suitcase, he'd done it before they'd left for the competition.

"So can I steal you for dinner?" Sebastian asks once Ciel emerges from backstage. "Or did you have plans with the guys?"

He gestures to the throng of blazer-clad boys shouting and generally being undignified, letting loose after a day of being well behaved models.

"Dinner, yes, please. I'm starving and I'm going to choke one of them with their gavel if I have to listen to them belt out another song one more time. Can we go back to the coffee shop?" Ciel asks, already envisioning the frozen hot chocolate as a perfect indulge.

"Nope," Sebastian says. "I was thinking something a bit more... celebratory."

Ciel is intrigued. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," Sebastian says. "But first we're going back to the hotel room to change. We both need something a little classier for this dinner."

Those are the magic words for Ciel. He's already mapped through and tossed out three possible outfit combinations by the time they're back the room.

"How fancy?" Ciel asks, digging through his suitcase and the two garment bags he'd also brought.

"Go crazy. You won't look out of place, trust me," Sebastian says.

Ciel believes him. That's another reason he can't wait to be in New York. He hates standing out so much in the small town. He doesn't hate it enough to stop expressing himself, especially not now that his chances to are so limited by the uniform, but he wants his style to be appreciated and not met with disgusted confusion.

It takes Sebastian much less time to get ready. He comes out of the bathroom fully shaved, smelling spicy-sweet like the cologne that Ciel enjoys so much. His hair isn't done yet, though. Tousled, still dripping across his forehead.

He's let Ciel do his hair a couple of times. Ciel wonders if he would again now. His chest goes funny, stomach weird and light and flippy when he thinks and brushing his fingers through damp hair.

"All yours," Sebastian says, gesturing to the bathroom. Ciel jumps, then feels guilty, like he'd been caught staring. "I'll do my hair out here to give you more time. I know your routine takes a while."

"Thanks," Ciel says, voice a little higher than normal, grabbing the clothes he'd decided on.

* * *

><p>"Sebastian..." Ciel gasps, settling into his chair. His eyes are glued to the cityscape outside. The lights of New York City glitter against the inky blackness of the sky. "This is amazing."<p>

"Yeah?" Sebastian asks.

"This is so..." When Ciel looks over at him, Sebastian seems impossibly proud of himself. "This is perfect."

"You deserved something special after today," Sebastian says. He reaches across the table and squeezes Ciel's hand.

Ciel swallows hard and looks down at Sebastian's hand on his. Sebastian's nails are black, neatly trimmed down to bluntness, rough with guitar calluses. A tingle runs through him and he pulls his hand back.

The waiter approaches, giving them both a polite smile. "What can I start you off with? We've got a great selection of appetizers. I highly recommend the mussels, or the scallops if the garlic sauce on the mussels is too much for a date night."

Ciel's mouth drops open slightly. Sebastian is flustered but recovers more quickly. "We'll just do the lettuce wraps to begin with."

_Date. The waiter thought they were on a date._ Though he hasn't said a word, Ciel still blushes hotly.

Though as he looks around he does realize that the tables around them seem to mostly be filled with couples.

Ciel finally meets his eyes. "He thought we were on a date?"

Sebastian shrugs, looking - nervous? Is he nervous? "I guess so? I mean - you do look good tonight, Ciel. Not... uh. Not your age."

"Really?" Ciel grins, not hiding his happiness at the compliment very well though he does try. "Is this the kind of place you'd bring someone on a date?"

"Ciel-" Sebastian starts to say something and then stops, like he's considering it. "Yeah, I guess so. It could be pretty romantic. With the right person."

Ciel looks out at the view again and tries to imagine himself here, but a few years older, on a date. He'd be wearing something a little more adult, designer labels and the fashions he can't afford on his allowance budget, and he'd be sitting across from a man - a well dressed, handsome man. One that would hold his hand and look at him with warm, sweet eyes, one that...

One that probably wouldn't look half as gorgeous as Sebastian does right now. Ciel stares down at the menu, afraid that thought might be written in neon on his pupils.

* * *

><p>It's just past two in the morning when something wakes Ciel up.<p>

He's not sure what, at first. He's comfortable on the pull-out couch, and the room isn't too warm or too cold, but just as he starts to drift off again he's pulled back from sleep.

This time he realizes that it's a noise. He closes his eyes and listens hard to - what is it? A rustling? Soft, muted...

And something else.

He sits up, looking toward the doorway between the living room and the bedroom of the suite. It's Sebastian that he's hearing, he's sure, but he's not sure what Sebastian is doing.

At least not until another sound catches his ear, something stifled almost as soon as it starts but not quite soon enough for Ciel to miss it.

A moan.

Ciel's fingers curl around the edge of the couch. Suddenly the other noise makes more sense. It's familiar, the sort of thing he never pays attention to but hears often enough. His heart pounds.

_Sebastian is jerking off._

No, he thinks immediately, correcting himself. Sebastian wouldn't. Not with him in the next room.

_Would he?_

He eases his legs over the side of the bed and stands up. The carpet is plush under his feet, careful footsteps not making a noise. He goes as far as the doorway (cracked open barely four inches) and stands there.

Either Sebastian is having an asthma attack, or he's jerking off. Ciel raises a hand to his mouth, face heating up. He shouldn't listen to this. He should get his headphones out of his bag, or just go back to sleep, or... or... something besides listening to this.

There's a pause, bed springs creaking, and Ciel's heart pounds. Is Sebastian getting up? Shit, there's no way Ciel can make it back into bed quickly and quietly. But Sebastian doesn't come out of the room.

There's another soft squeak of the bed and a snap, then a louder, wetter noise.

_Did he get lube? Did Sebastian pack lube?_

He can hear the sound of skin moving on skin so much more explicitly now. He's frozen to the spot, his own cock suddenly and achingly hard. He's too terrified to do anything about it, though. He can't do anything but listen as Sebastian's breathing gets a little more frantic and the wet soft slapping noise gets faster and faster and then-

Then there's one more sound of movement on the bed and one more muffled gasp. Sebastian finished.

_Sebastian came._

Silence, and then movement again. Ciel jerks out of his daze and hurries back over to his bed, rolling under the covers and onto his side just as the door between the rooms opens all the way.

He looks through barely opened eyes and realizes that Sebastian is just standing in the doorway, facing the direction Ciel's in. He feels like there's a weight on his chest and he can't even breathe. Then Sebastian sighs and there are footsteps and then the sound of the bathroom door shutting.

Ciel rolls onto his back, eyes wide open, staring upward. His cock is so hard it hurts but he doesn't dare touch himself, not even once Sebastian is finished in the bathroom and back in his own bed.

* * *

><p>There's a guy in the music store that won't stop looking at him.<p>

"Sebastian," Ciel hisses. "Do I have something on my face?"

"What?" Sebastian looks up from the CD in his hand (and seriously, if he buys another copy Ciel will kill him - and how does he not know that it's Ciel that hid his first one? and when will he get with the times and just download it to begin with?) to see what Ciel is talking about.

Ciel subtly nods and then a grin breaks out on his face, one of those infuriating ones. "Go talk to him. He's checking you out."

"What? No." Ciel is shocked. He shakes his head, refusing to believe it. "No, he isn't."

Sebastian reaches out and pokes him in the side. "Yes, he is."

"Sebastian, stop. He is not." Ciel gives him a patented death glare and squares his shoulders, walking away.

But five minutes later the guy walks up to him. He's cute, sort of, in an eager puppy kind of way.

He's not really Ciel's type.

Ciel isn't really sure what his type is.

When he asks for Ciel's phone number, Ciel hesitates but he sees Sebastian giving him a thumb up out of the corner of his eye and somehow that propels him to say yes.

* * *

><p>"Ciel." Sebastian says. "Ciel!"<p>

Ciel hears him, but he's busy typing out a reply to Alois on his phone. "Hold on," he murmurs, smiling to himself at how clever he's being in the response.

Maybe a little bit of a tease, too, but Alois is totally eating it up. He decides to text a picture of himself the next time Sebastian isn't in the room.

Then his phone abruptly disappears. Ciel's head flies up, reaching for it. He's a little too late and Sebastian is holding it too far away for him to grab it back. He makes another attempt and then huffs out, "Sebastian!" in an irritated voice.

"You've been texting all night," Sebastian whines. He's definitely whining. There's no other word for it.

"I only get you on the weekends. Your school friends can wait, at least until after bunch."

"It's not a school friend," Ciel says, glaring.

Sebastian almost drops the phone, surprised. "What? Is it - one of your friends from your old school?"

"No." Ciel holds out his hand, gesturing impatiently. "It's a boy."

Sebastian frowns. "What?"

"Sebastian. Phone. Please." He grits out the last word. He really wants to finish replying, yes, but he also wants Sebastian to really not look at what he was halfway through typing. He's seventeen, he doesn't think Sebastian would really be able to say much about it, but it's still - well, there's a line between what he wants to share and what he doesn't.

"No, I think you should tell me about this boy," Sebastian says. He puts the phone down, still out of Ciel's reach. He sounds like he's joking, but... also not. He sounds like he's trying to sound like he's joking.

It leaves Ciel feeling strangely satisfied. "You've seen him. He's the guy from the music store last weekend. His name is Alois."

"Alois," Sebastian repeats. "Okay. So - this is who you've been texting non stop all weekend?"

"Yes." Ciel makes another gesture for his phone, and Sebastian hands it back this time. "I... we have a date. Next Friday night."

He hadn't been planning on telling Sebastian yet. He'd wanted to at least talk to Lizzy about it first.

Telling Sebastian had seemed strange, somehow... he's old enough to date, and he knows Sebastian wouldn't tell him he can't, but still. Strange.

"Do we need to - um." Sebastian looks around like maybe he can pull the words he's looking for out of the air. "Do we need to have a talk?"

"About what?" Ciel is confused. "Sebastian, I'm seventeen, I'm more than old enough to date."

"No, I mean - about. About sex."

"Oh my god Sebastian no." Ciel covers his face with his hands.

"Do you - I mean. Look, you're..."

"Sebastian!" Ciel gets up, chair sliding back a few inches across the floor with how fast he moves. "We are not doing this. I'm going to my room."

"Ciel-" Sebastian calls after him, but Ciel is mortified and completely ignores him.

* * *

><p>The next Friday when Ciel gets home from school there's a box on his bed.<p>

He opens it up to find a stack of pamphlets on safe sex, a box of condoms, and a bottle of lube.

He can't say he isn't embarrassed by this, too, but at least it's better than Sebastian trying to talk to him. He picks up the box of condoms and studies it, then opens it and picks up one of the packets.

He imagines Sebastian going into a store and picking these things out... for him.

_It's hot._

He's come to terms, to a certain extent, with how attractive Sebastian is. Overhearing him that night in New York had opened a door that Ciel hasn't been able to close.

He tries to tell himself that it's only because Sebastian is the only guy in his life that he spends that much time casually around. He's seen Sebastian shirtless, seen him in workout clothes, in shorts - even in his boxer briefs a couple of times.

If sometimes when he gets off at night, it's Sebastian that he thinks of - that's really the only reason why.

They're not related, not by blood. It's weird but it's not - wrong. That's what he has to tell himself. And it's not like anything would ever happen.

It's not like Sebastian would ever want him.

* * *

><p>"Ciel, wow, you look..." Sebastian steps toward him and then stops, eyes wide, flickering up and down.<p>

"Is it too much?" Ciel frowns. The black skinny jeans he's wearing are officially the tightest pair of pants he owns, but he likes the way Alois just plies him with compliments.

"I... am honestly not sure if I should let you out of the house like that." Sebastian finally stammers out a reply. "You look - god, Ciel."

Ciel's heart starts to race a little. "So... good?"

"I'm. I." Sebastian shakes his head like he's trying to snap himself out of it. "I almost feel bad for Alois. "

"Why?" Ciel frowns.

"Because you are so out of his league." Sebastian say, shaking his head and grinning wryly.

"What?" Ciel laughs.

He walks over to the coat rack by the door, grabbing the jacket he'd already set out. It's army green with buckles all over it, one of his new favorite pieces and he knows it looks good with the jeans and the boots he's wearing. He's going for a New York, street tough thing. Alois seems to like that.

"One of your buckles is undone, hold on." Sebastian walks over to him and stands close behind him, taking the two ends and clicking them together. He's close enough for heat to jolt through Ciel, close enough for him to smell cinnamon and cologne.

"Out of his league, hmm?" Ciel asks, voice throatier than he intends.

He turns a little, only to realize Sebastian hasn't backed away. He's right there, so close, and Ciel watches his pupils expand and his nostrils flair as he sucks in a breath.

When he speaks it feels like his voice curls around Ciel, wraps him up in the warmth of it. His heart races. "Ciel, you know you're gorgeous."

His eyes rake down Ciel's body and - oh. Wow.

He jumps when his phone rings in his pocket. Sebastian quickly takes a few steps back.

"It's Alois," Ciel says. "He's here."

He looks at Sebastian, suddenly not sure if he should go or not.

Sebastian looks back at him.

Then Sebastian says, "Have fun. I'm gonna... go. Work." and he's gone.

* * *

><p>Halfway through his date with Alois, Ciel says that he has to go home.<p>

It's not Alois' fault. Alois' a nice guy, but he talks too much and after a while his voice gets grating.

He wants to talk about New York and fashion and those are all things Ciel should love, but his mind just isn't there.

While Alois prattles on and on Ciel is somewhere else. He's is back at home, fixated on the way Sebastian looked at him. All of those things he assumed were one-sided, all of the time he's put into convincing himself that it's not even really a crush he has on Sebastian...

It's almost as terrifying as it is intriguing, the possibilities that he suddenly can't unsee from his mind's eyes.

* * *

><p>When Ciel leaves, Sebastian goes to the liquor cabinet and pulls down a bottle of whiskey.<p>

He stares at it, the bottle half-full. He's had it for a few years now, a present from the parents of one of his students when their kid got into a top notch musical program because of his tutoring.

He doesn't drink often, bad high school experiences and a general knowledge of how much of a lightweight he is keeping him tethered to responsibility.

Tonight he feels like not caring, though. He opens the bottle and pulls out a juice glass, drops in a couple of ice cubes, and then pours it three-fourths full. After a brief thought he opened the bottle and takes a gulp that makes him choke and sputter as it goes down, at least two shots worth. His eyes sting but it's worth it for the instant path of warmth it carves down his chest.

_Ciel is out tonight on his first date._

It'll be the first of many, Sebastian is sure.

And that's exactly what Ciel deserves. He deserves men trailing after him, telling him how wonderful he is, plying him with compliments and presents and looking at him like he's the most gorgeous thing in the world. Sebastian has watched him grow up from a self-doubting, terrified, defensive kid into a capable teenager on the brink of being an adult.

He's not naive about his own influence, either. He's helped shape Ciel into this person and Ciel depends on him, both emotionally and financially. That's why what he's feeling is so wrong.

Ciel will knock New York back on its heels. Sebastian has absolutely no doubts about that. In just a couple of weeks Ciel will have his audition. In a couple of months he'll graduate. Not long after that he'll be gone, out of Sebastian's life. Not forever, not unreachable, probably not. Ciel could, if he wanted, though. Once he's eighteen, Sebastian has no control at all over his life. He has less than a parent, less than even a friend, probably.

He'll just be... that guy that Ciel lived with while he was in high school. Sebastian squeezes his eyes tight, emotions bubbling to the surface too quickly, always too quickly.

He picks up the glass of whiskey and takes another painful gulp.

Sebastian is drifting somewhere between maudlin and pissed off when the door opens.

He should get up, he thinks. He should trudge up to his bedroom and shut the door so Ciel doesn't see him like this, but he doesn't.

He stays on the couch listening to the muted sounds of Ciel talking to someone and then a door closing.

_Did Ciel bring him home? Did he bring him inside?_ He thinks, imagines for just a minute, listening to Ciel getting fucked by some boy for the first time just a wall away. It makes him feel sick and hot at the same time.

_God_, Sebastian thinks, he's so fucked up. He whispers it out loud just to give the words life. "So fucked up."

"What?" Ciel asks. Sebastian cranes his neck around to see him standing in the doorway to the living room, illuminated by the light on the hallway. It makes him glow.

"You look like an angel," Sebastian says, voice slurring. "A... um. Confused angel."

"Uh huh..." Ciel says slowly. "Are you all right?"

Sebastian looks around. The room tips and tilts. He shakes his head and squints until things stabilize a little bit. Then he remembers that Ciel asked him something to begin with and says, "Uh huh."

Ciel rounds the side of the couch and stops when he sees the bottle of whiskey, now well below half, on the table. "You're drunk."

Sebastian nods. It feels like he's moving in jello. "Maybe."

"I'd say very." Ciel sounds amused now, dropping his messenger bag into the chair and sitting down by Sebastian. "What's the occasion?"

"You," Sebastian says. His mind isn't quick enough to tell him that he shouldn't.

Ciel blinks at him. Ciel has pretty eyes. Ciel has the prettiest blue eyes. "Pretty." Sebastian reaches out and touches Ciel's cheek.

"... Sebastian?"

"Shit." Sebastian lets his hand fall away. He curls up and turns on his side, cheek against the leather of the couch, facing away. "Go away."

"Sebastian, you're being really weird."

"Go." He says it more loudly.

He doesn't want to see Ciel right now. He doesn't want to be faced with this... this perverted attraction of his, what he feels for Ciel.

Because it's wrong. Ciel wasn't put in his care for Sebastian to turn him into a sexual obsession.

* * *

><p>His breath hitches and he wants to cry because it's not fair - it's not fair how he feels, it's not fair to Ciel or to himself.<p>

And it hurts.

Thinking of losing Ciel... thinking of Ciel being with someone else...

He's kept it in for a year, shoved it down and away, convinced himself it was nothing, but it hurts.

Because he's in love with Ciel.

Sebastian sleeps for a while, he thinks. When he wakes up his stomach is rolling viciously. He makes it to the bathroom just barely in time and spends a good half hour in there.

Ciel knocks on the door twenty minutes in, glass of water and bottle of headache medicine in hand.

"Thought you might want these," he says quietly, then leaves again.

When Sebastian feels like he can get some distance from the toilet safely he brushes his teeth for a solid five minutes until the disgustingness is gone and then he takes a shower. He feels achy and sick and his head throbs but he doesn't want to go to sleep covered in this cold sweat.

After the shower he swipes a towel over his head and then puts on fresh pajama pants, forgoing a shirt entirely. The clock on his nightstand tells him that it's only half past two. He's still sitting on the edge of the bed when Ciel walks back in. "Sebastian?"

"Hey. Yeah." Sebastian has to stop and clear his throat. "Thanks for the pills."

"You're scaring me," Ciel says, blunt in his typical fashion.

"I don't even remember what I said," Sebastian admits. He doubts his ability to stay upright much longer so he lays down on the bed, on top of the covers.

He's surprised when Ciel crosses the room to sit on the other side of the bed. Ciel doesn't come in here often - sometimes to look through Sebastian's closet, sometimes to help him pack for a business trip

and decide what outfit to wear, but not regularly.

"I asked you why you were drinking and you said because of me."

Sebastian laughs and covers his eyes with one hand. "Oh. Right."

"So?" Ciel clearly isn't letting this go. "What does that mean?"

"Ciel, it's nothing. I was drunk." Sebastian hopes he'll buy that but he knows Ciel well enough to know that he won't.

Ciel's hand closes over his wrist, pulling his hand from his face. He's suddenly much closer than Sebastian had expected. It's startling to see his face right there by Sebastian's, profile just barely visible in the moonlight. "Sebastian, stop that."

"Ciel, please just go." Sebastian's heart is pounding.

Then Ciel gets that look on his face - Sebastian doesn't even need to be able to see it completely to know that look. It's the expression Ciel wears when he sets his sights on something and he's not going to give up until he gets it, one way or the other.

Sebastian's stomach rolls in a way that has nothing to do with drinking too much.

"Ciel, you can't-"

Ciel kisses him. On the mouth, a little too hard, just still solid pressure. It's Sebastian's hand that flies up to cup his cheek and Sebastian's lips part just a little, just enough to close Ciel's bottom one between them. Ciel starts it but it's Sebastian that makes it a kiss, Sebastian that can't make himself stop kissing.

He realizes that Ciel is shaking and that's what breaks through the fog. "Oh, god. Fuck. Ciel."

He gets up - not sure where he's going, just knowing that he can't stay here.

"No, wait." Ciel scrambles after him, grabbing his arm with both hands. "Sebastian, don't."

"I can't do this, Ciel. We can't do this." Sebastian is shaking his head. "We can't."

Then Ciel asks the last question Sebastian would have expected him to. "Why not?"

* * *

><p><strong>There will be one more chapter! There will be sexy time, because what is a sebaciel fanfiction without the sex? Review for more! <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so sorry it took so long for me to update this, but I have been so busy! But anyways, I hope this chapter is good enough in return for such a long wait.**

* * *

><p>Ciel wakes up first in the morning.<p>

He looks at Sebastian, shirtless and asleep, drooling a little against the pillow.

Sebastian kissed him, last night. Sebastian kissed him and looked at him with something in his eyes that should terrify Ciel, but it doesn't, it just leaves him slightly exhilarated that someone can feel so much for him.

Alois is a distant thought, a non-entity now. Ciel's world has re-focused on Sebastian.

* * *

><p>He makes breakfast; spanish omelets and bacon and toast and everything else he can think of, because he has to do something until Sebastian wakes up and comes downstairs. He's contemplating French toast when he hears the shower start overhead.<p>

"Some of it's cold," Ciel says, twenty minutes later when Sebastian emerges dressed in his comfortable weekend clothes - black jeans and a black t-shirt - with hair still wet and a little stubble on his face.

It makes him look younger, and not very Sebastian-like, not until he sighs a familiar bone-deep sigh of relief at his first sip of coffee, sits down primly at the stool, checks his phone and puts it aside like he always does.

"Thank you, Ciel," he says softly, taking the plate of food Ciel gives him and then staring down at it.

"... I hope you're hungry." Ciel tries to make light of the fact that he made enough food to feed a small army, but the joke falls a little flat. "Also, you're going to need to go grocery shopping soon."

"I mostly eat out when you aren't around, anyway," Sebastian admits. "What kind of sauce is this on the pancakes?"

"You had strawberries and blueberries so I made a compote." Small talk is safe.

Small talk is good. He should really stick to the small talk. But... "Can we talk?"

Sebastian sighs and puts his fork down. His eyes close briefly. "It's too early for this."

"Sebastian , it's almost eleven," Ciel points out. "Can I just - I want to say something. Please."

Sebastian nods slowly, but the expression on his face begs Ciel not to.

Ciel ignores it. He's been rehearsing this in his head all morning. "I'm seventeen. I'm old enough to know what I want. And you're - you're the most important person in my life. I want you and I'm, I know, I know you're going to try and talk me out of this, or make yourself feel awful about it, but I know you want me, too."

"Ciel, you've... never even had a boyfriend," Sebastian says. "Ignoring all of the other - the complications. You and I aren't just two people that met on the street. I'm your... Ciel, I'm your parent."

"Foster parent," Ciel quickly corrects. "We're not related, Sebastian . You didn't raise me."

"I did, the last few years."

"You helped me, but you didn't raise me." Ciel is defiant on this issue.

"Could you have really made it on your own at thirteen?" Sebastian shakes his head. "I raised you, at least a little bit."

"Fine, but you raised me to be confident and accept myself and accept what I want and you taught me that it's not wrong to feel what I feel."

"Ciel, I taught you that it's not wrong to be gay. That's not the same thing," Sebastian argues.

Ciel only has one card left to play. "Do you love me?"

Sebastian is stricken. All the color fades from his face and he looks so sick that Ciel almost wishes he could take it back. His eyes go red and watery. "Ciel, don't."

He never cries. Ciel hasn't seen him tear up at sad movies, at those commercials with puppies and kitties being abused, at weddings and graduations. He's never even seen Sebastian cry for himself before.

It's unexpectedly painful, like a shock to his system.

This isn't a game. Whatever Sebastian is feeling, whatever Ciel feels, what is between them - it isn't a game and it's changing everything.

Ciel gets off of his own seat and walks around the counter to where Sebastian is, reaching for his hand.

What he really wants to do is wrap his arms around Sebastian and just hold him, be held, but he's not sure if Sebastian wants that.

"Fine. You don't have to say it. But please stop hating yourself for it, because nothing you could do to me would be something I don't want," Ciel says softly.

Sebastian looks at him and Ciel can tell that Sebastian wants to believe it so badly.

"What if I break your heart?"

Ciel reaches up and wipes one of Sebastian's tears away. "You won't. But if you do, sometimes - sometimes hearts get broken. I never thought you'd even want me."

"You've... thought about it?" Sebastian asks.

"Oh, god, yes." Ciel laughs. "Yes. So much. This isn't just you, okay? Last night I left my date with Alois because I was bored and frustrated and I just kept thinking about you."

"It's so stupid to think we could be-" Sebastian shakes his head. "It just wouldn't work."

"Sebastian, what is the worst thing that could happen? I'm seventeen. Foster care wouldn't take me away, I'd just be an independent. And Sebastian , I know you. You aren't spiteful. You go out of your way to help old ladies across the street and you buy more girl scout cookies than we could ever eat just because you never want to say no to little kids. Your last office manager was embezzling from you and you still let her go with a severance package instead of pressing charges, because she said she did it to pay for her son to go to rehab. I trust you, Sebastian. If something bad happens - would you really take away the college money?"

"No, never." Sebastian's voice is thick with the tears he's holding back now "Ciel, I would never do that."

"I'll be eighteen in a month, Sebastian. A month. I am old enough to date anyone I want, and I want you." Ciel takes a deep breath once he's said his piece. He has nothing else left. If Sebastian says no, if Sebastian turns him down, it will hurt like fuck and there's nothing he can do.

He's almost expecting it, though. He's tense, preparing for the worst possible reaction he could get, steeling himself for it.

What he gets is a quiet, "Okay," and Sebastian 's hand gripping his more tightly.

"Really?" Ciel doesn't dare breathe just yet, afraid he'll break the spell, whatever magic is making Sebastian not bitterly reject him.

But then Sebastian is smiling, just a little bit, and nodding. "You really think I can say no to that face?"

"Good," Ciel says, relaxing and remembering how to breathe again. "Good. Then you can take me out on a real first date, because last night was - well, he tried.

Just not very well. When I said I wanted cheesecake he actually told me that was fine if we put it on my half of the bill. I'm sure he expected me to positively swoon but I'm afraid at this juncture I'm going to need more than cheesy come ons via text message if he wants to compete with this hot older guy I'm into."

Sebastian's grip on his hands shift, turning them palm to palm. "I don't know, I don't think he should change that method very much. I don't really want competition. I clearly don't handle it well."

Ciel steps in closer. "You won't have to handle it again."

There's a tiny smile on Sebastian's face. It's captivating. He takes another step in, as close as he can be without actually being on Sebastian's lap. Sebastian looks at him, appraising. Ciel has no idea what Sebastian is thinking in this moment, what he sees on Ciel's face or what's going on in his head.

"Will you kiss me now?" Ciel asks, because he's only had one hint of how nice kissing could really be and he wants more.

"No," Sebastian says. "You should kiss me."

That's even better.

* * *

><p>Kissing is amazing.<p>

It's better than amazing, because it's not just lips and tongue, not like he'd thought.

Kissing is in the way Sebastian's hands are on him (one on his back, the other cupping his cheek or playing in his hair) and the way his own have free license to roam over Sebastian. He sticks to safe areas - shoulders, biceps, once dropping both hands down to grasp his waist when Sebastian playfully acts like he's pulling away. Kissing is in the soft noises they're trading back and forth, the give and take, the way it's almost a game.

Sebastian's phone rings and he pulls back with a wet sound that seems loud to Ciel's ears, loud enough to make him blush. Sebastian looks - he looks like he's been making out with someone. His lips are damp and red and swollen and his hair is mussed. Ciel watches him dig his phone out of his pocket and answer it, smiling when Sebastian rubs his fingers over his lips and then grins wryly at Ciel. Ciel's are tingling, too.

_From making out. With Sebastian._

He almost wants to leave the room just so he can jump up and down for a few minutes. He's so busy trying to compose himself that he doesn't even listen to what Sebastian is saying right until the end of the conversation.

"You're sure? There's nothing- no one else can- yeah, okay, give me like, give me thirty minutes?" Sebastian says, and then hangs up. He sighs and looks at Ciel. "I have to go in for a while. A ladies kid has the flu and she has a guitar lesson this afternoon. She tried to reschedule and the mom went off on her."

"But..." Ciel frowns. "You have to?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry." Sebastian reaches up to rub his knuckles along Ciel's jaw. "I'll be back soon."

* * *

><p>Ciel does the dishes while Sebastian's upstairs changing, saving what can be salvaged for later of the food and trashing the rest.<p>

When Sebastian comes back down, he's in normal clothes with his hair slicked back, face clean shaven.

"You look really young like that," Ciel says, smiling.

Sebastian sticks his tongue out.

Ciel copies him. "And I'm the young one in this - this relationship?"

He tries not to smile when he says it, but it knocks them both for a loop.

He stays at the studio for almost three hours.

The first hour he's giving a lesson.

The second he's doing paperwork.

The third he's just procrastinating because he doesn't want to go home.

Well, not that he doesn't, he's just afraid to. Because Ciel is there, and he doesn't know what Ciel will expect, but he's pretty sure Ciel thinks that Sebastian has a lot of answers to this whole situation that Sebastian knows he doesn't have at all.

Sebastian has no idea what he's doing. He spent twenty minutes making out with his teenage foster son in their kitchen and then he'd just - escaped.

He'd been relieved when the phone had rung. He hadn't wanted to stay and deal with the aftermath, with Ciel's expectant eyes on him.

It's not just Ciel's age. It's that Sebastian hasn't dated anyone in almost five years.

He doesn't know if he even remembers how to be someone's boyfriend. He certainly doesn't know how to be someone's first boyfriend.

He remembers his own. He remembers how nice it felt to be pursued and how the guy said all the right things until it counted. He also remembers finding the guy in the lounge making out with a freshman and how crushing it was, and he hadn't even been in love with him.

Whatever it is between himself and Ciel is already stronger, already more.

And even if the best case scenario becomes reality, if the relationship is perfect, it still has an expiration date because at the end of the summer Ciel is going to college in New York. He has his audition coming up, and Sebastian made sure he had fallback options in the city just in case that didn't work out. He's already been accepted to a college and he's waiting to hear back from another.

Sebastian's guidance is what helped him ensure that the road to the city of Ciel's dreams was going to be easy to travel and now he's realizing what it will mean to him to watch Ciel walk away if they take this last step.

The minutes on the clock tick by as he stares at his desk, lost in his own thoughts.

He jumps when his phone buzzes with a text message, Ciel wanting to know where he is.

Sebastian's heart pounds, anxiety freezing him up. He picks up his phone but he doesn't answer the text.

Instead he dials a different number.

Claude, for once, answers his phone. It takes six rings, but he answers.

"Sebastian!"

"Hey, Claude." Sebastian relaxes a fraction just hearing the familiar voice. "You got a minute?"

"For you? Maybe even two. But definitely not more than three, I'm on my way to meet this smoking hot chick for drinks. You don't keep double d's waiting, Sebastian. You just don't."

"You do remember that I'm gay, right? That advice might be better suited to someone that actually likes breasts."

"Oh, right. Well. What's going on?" Claude asks.

"I need..." Sebastian can't believe he's about to say this. "Relationship advice."

He has to wait for Claude to get his uncontrolled laughter reigned in. "Sebastian! Buddy! Are you finally getting some?"

"How do you know I haven't been all along?" Sebastian takes a moment to be offended. "But - not yet - I mean. Maybe. I just."

"What's the matter?" Claude coaxes him. "Is he ugly? Because, you know, if he's good enough in bed-"

"He's not." Sebastian has to laugh. Sometimes with Claude that's all you can do.

"No, he's very - attractive. He's good looking. He's just young."

"Oh, that's all? Robbing the cradle, Sebastian?"

"Yeah, he's." Sebastian can't bring himself to tell Claude, because telling Claude ensures his parents will know, and he's not ready for that. He fibs and says, "He's in college."

"So we're talking - decade age difference?"

"Um. About that." It's actually more like a decade and a half and, fuck, Sebastian shouldn't have done that math. "Maybe a little more."

"You're still a baby yourself, so he can't be that young. Hollywood is known for it's epic generation gap romances." Claude goes on to name them off. "You're in good company. Besides, Ciel is what, sixteen now? He's old enough to kick out of the house for a few hours so you can go wild."

"Seventeen, almost eighteen," Sebastian says, answering automatically.

"Oh, wow! That old, huh? I should send him a present. What does he like? Oh, maybe I should just come visit, and bring it on person!"

"No!" Sebastian says, firmly. He remembers Ciel's crush. Then he realizes there's not actually that much reason for such an emphatic reaction and tries to backtrack.

"No, I mean. He's focusing a lot of finals and studying and college right now. Maybe we'll come out to Los Angeles over the summer, though. He's never been."

He smiles on instinct when he thinks about taking Ciel somewhere he's never seen before.

He loves being able to witness Ciel's firsts.

His heart races when he imagines all the other firsts he might be able to give Ciel now; not the heartbreak, but the good ones.

In New York, Ciel might not find the right kind of guys. He might end up with someone that would hurt him, or someone inexperienced that can't show him what sex can be when it's really good. He might end up with the kind of guy that would use him or take advantage of him.

Sebastian can make sure that Ciel has a first time with someone that really wants to worship him and teach him. Maybe it's okay if Ciel is the one that breaks his heart, because Sebastian will be devastated by it but somehow when he looks at the situation with that kind of perspective it seems worth it.

"Awesome, absolutely. I can give you guys a set tour. Speaking of set-" Claude launches into a rambling story that Sebastian immediately tunes out. He puts it on speaker and looks down at his phone again, where Ciel has sent another message. It reads 'Sebastian ? Are you okay?'

His stomach clenches when he imagines Ciel saying saying it, and how uncertain he must be feeling right now. It's now been close to four hours, when Sebastian had said he'd only been gone for one.

He types back, On my way home. :) I'll pick up dinner?

Ciel's response is almost instant. Okay :)

"Hey, Claude? I gotta go." Sebastian says, smiling to himself. He hangs up before Claude even has a chance to respond.

* * *

><p>He puts down the bags of takeout when he walks in the door and grabs Ciel, turning him against the wall and kissing him.<p>

Ciel gasps, fingers flexing against Sebastian's shoulder. "I - wow."

Sebastian cups his face and kisses him again, more gently. "I missed you. You haven't changed your mind, have you?"

"No." Ciel wraps his arms around Sebastian and pulls him in for a hug. "No, I haven't."

"Good." Sebastian smiles into the hug. "Then come have dinner with me, and let me kiss you some more after."

Ciel sleeps in his own bed that night, but only after a drawn out goodnight in his doorway. Sebastian hadn't pressed for anything more. His hands hadn't even wandered as much as they had that morning.

Ciel is glad. He doesn't want more, not yet, but he hadn't really wanted the kissing to stop either.

He lays in bed flushed and excited, mind racing far too much to even begin to contemplate sleep. He rolls onto his side, clutching his pillow.

He's in love.

* * *

><p>Ciel has plans the next morning.<p>

"I forgot," he tells Lizzy. "I'm sorry. Next weekend?"

But she's never been one to let him off the hook that easily. "No excuses. I've barely seen you since you started at that fancy school. Is anyone dead or bleeding?"

"No-"

"Then I'll be there in half an hour so get to doing that hair." She hangs up before he can argue.

He whines to Sebastian, who looks disappointed but ultimately agrees with her.

"You don't get to see your friends much."

"But I..." He frowns.

He just wants to stay here. He just wants to stay with Sebastian .

"Go," Sebastian says gently. He puts a hand on Ciel's arm and then lets it drop down while he talks until his fingers brush Ciel's wrist. "Just come back in time for me to see you for a little while before you have to go back to school."

Ciel smiles, that familiar melting feeling in his heart. "Of course," he whispers, catching Sebastian's hand and pulling him in for a kiss. "I - I'll be back."

* * *

><p>He is back, but then he's leaving again, going back to school.<p>

"I can skip," he says, head on Sebastian 's shoulder. "I can transfer back to my old one."

Sebastian laughs. "No, you can't. Besides, you graduate in a couple of months, you don't want to switch schools now."

"Do you think they'd let me graduate early?"

"Ciel." Sebastian pushes him back. He's smiling fondly, smiling like he can't stop smiling. Ciel gets that feeling. He's the same way. "Go, learn lots of things, get smarter, sing some pretty songs, and come back home to me next weekend."

His heart leaps into his chest. "Can I call you?"

"You can always call me," Sebastian says. "That hasn't changed. Nothing has changed."

"Except that I can do this..." Ciel leans in and nips at Sebastian's lower lip.

Sebastian groans - that's new. New, and hot. "You have to go now," he says. "Or I'm not going to let you."

"Maybe you shouldn't let me." Ciel feigns innocence.

He likes what that does to Sebastian. He likes the way Sebastian groans again and his pupils go bigger and he breathes a little harder. He wants to know what else it does to him but he's not brave enough to find out.

Not yet, anyway.

* * *

><p>Sebastian tries to throw himself into work, but he's useless.<p>

He can't think about anything but Ciel's car driving away.

He can't think about anything but that last kiss, the look on Ciel's face.

He's such an idiot for going along with this. Not just along with it, but full speed ahead with it; but, fuck, he can't remember the last time he smiled so much.

Ciel makes him smile. Ciel makes him happy.

And he makes Ciel happy, too.

Maybe it'll fade, later. Maybe the newness will wear off. Maybe Ciel will get bored with him, maybe there are a million reasons it won't work out.

But maybe it's been too long since Sebastian took a chance on something.

* * *

><p>He has leftovers for dinner and watches television on the couch, pretending like he isn't counting down how long it takes Ciel to drive to school and trying to place in his mind where Ciel would be at any given moment.<p>

By his own reckoning, Ciel either breaks the speed limit to get there or calls Sebastian the second he's out of his car.

"I miss you," Sebastian says, childishly indulgent with his own feelings right now.

He knows it won't take long for Ciel to stop being awed by the fact that when Sebastian takes his filter away most of what he says is shamelessly complimentary toward Ciel, so he wants to enjoy it while it still has some shock value. "I changed my mind. You can drop out of school."

"Why, Mr. Michaelis, how your tune has changed."

"Yes, well, I'm suddenly bereft of a cuddle partner. This couch is too big and lonely."

"You need a dog," Ciel says.

"I hate dogs, and I need you to come home."

"I need you to not say that, because if you say it one more time I really will." Ciel's voice drops into a whisper, most likely just to not be overheard because he sounds like he's walking through a hallway now.

But it doesn't really matter what the reason is. Fuck, that low voice does things to Sebastian. His hand drifts to the front of his pants, rubbing lightly through them.

"Sebastian ?" Ciel says. "Still with me?"

His fingers tighten around himself. Is it impolite to jerk off to your teenage boyfriend before you've even seen him shirtless?

Well, he has seen Ciel shirtless, but not in years. He was still in that pudgy phase, pink-cheeked and shorter. He hasn't seen Ciel now, not since he's gotten those biceps that Sebastian just wants to bite, since he's gotten tall - almost taller than Sebastian now - and learned how to dress himself in clothes that make his torso look like it goes on forever…

"Sebastian !" Ciel says it again, laughing. "Is television really that much more interesting than talking to me? I think I'm offended."

"No," Sebastian says, even as his thumb pops open the button on his pants. "God, Ciel, no."

* * *

><p>They do get the first date Ciel had always imagined. It comes two weeks later, a town away because their town just doesn't have a decent enough theater.<p>

Sebastian takes him to a show and makes reservations at a restaurant they've never been to. Ciel dresses in his favorite outfit, the sheer black shirt that makes his skin look so pale and jeans that Sebastian doesn't hesitate to show his appreciation of.

"It's always driven me crazy when you wore those," Sebastian admits in the car.

He keeps glancing over and it makes Ciel feel overheated to imagine what Sebastian might be thinking.

"Wow," he says. "I wish I'd known."

Sebastian rolls his eyes. "Did you really not? I couldn't stop staring at your ass."

Ciel preens, then pulls down the sun visor to check his hair in the mirror.

* * *

><p>Ciel is braver under the cover of dimmed theater lights, guiding Sebastian 's hand to his thigh.<p>

They're watching one of Sebastian 's favorites, enough so that Ciel has seen the production a few times already. He's glad, because he barely catches a word of it this time.

Sebastian doesn't try anything, not really, but he leaves his hand where Ciel puts it and it's enough to have Ciel needing a moment once the show is over before he can get to his feet.

And Sebastian, the bastard, knows. "Here," he says, handing Ciel his jacket. "Carry this for me?"

Ciel isn't sure if he should be grateful or if he should want to kill him.

* * *

><p>"This is amazing," Ciel says.<p>

"The food? Good." Sebastian smiles, pleased.

"Not just that. Everything. It's perfect, Sebastian ." Ciel scoops up another bite of cheesecake onto his fork. He offers it to Sebastian impulsively, happy when Sebastian goes along with it. "Some of the guys know I have a - um. I'm dating someone."

"You can say it," Sebastian says. "If you want to."

Of course he caught that, of course he did.

"Boyfriend?" Ciel tries not to go too high pitched but he can't actually help it sometimes. "That's not too - juvenile?"

"Ciel, no. We're dating. I'd... I'd like to call you my boyfriend." Sebastian reaches over the table for his hand. "Maybe to very select audiences right now."

There's a conversation there, a conversation that they need to have, but they don't have it yet.

* * *

><p>The whole drive long he teases Ciel about getting a kiss goodnight at the front door.<p>

It turns into Ciel pressing him against the front door, hands in Sebastian 's back pocket.

"Are you sure you didn't sneak some wine with dinner?" Sebastian gasps. It's a struggle to keep his hips a safe distance from Ciel, a struggle to not take this to what is - for him - the next stage.

"Can't I just be drunk on you?" Ciel asks, pulling back. "Sebastian, let's go inside."

"Ciel, I'm not sure I need to be alone in a place full of horizontal surfaces with you right now." Sebastian sinks his fingers into Ciel's hair and then slides them down to the back of his neck, reeling him in for another kiss.

Ciel makes an absolutely wrecked sound and whines into Sebastian's mouth.

"Inside," he says, just enough of an order to make Sebastian go weak in the knees.

* * *

><p>Ciel is bossy.<p>

This isn't news to Sebastian, this isn't new.

What it is: hot. Hot as fuck.

They're on the couch, shedding layers and pressing into each other.

Sebastian has given up propriety in favor of just following Ciel's cues. When Ciel grinds down, Sebastian just - he lets him, as hard as it is to stay still, he lets Ciel do what Ciel wants because that's the way he feels most comfortable.

And when Ciel sits up and tumbles backwards, against the opposite arm of the couch, Sebastian just stays still and tries to catch his breath again.

"You okay?" He asks quietly.

Ciel's face is bright red and he's having more of a struggle with oxygen intake than Sebastian . "I'm just-"

"Ciel?" Sebastian sits up, worried.

"Close," Ciel blurts out. "I'm really close. Still. And I don't-"

"Ciel, do you want to - I can go, leave the room, if you need to. Um. Finish." Sebastian offers carefully. "Or I can..."

"You," Ciel says, eyes wide. "Can you-"

He knows that the words are more of a problem for Ciel than the actions, so he doesn't make Ciel say it. He leans forward very carefully, kissing Ciel with extreme gentleness, while his hand presses between Ciel's legs to feel the solid shape of his erection.

It only takes a couple of strokes through his pants before Ciel is crying out, sinking forward. Sebastian feels the heat and the pulse-pulse-pulse of Ciel's orgasm against his palm. He wishes it were in his mouth, flooding against his tongue so he could taste it, swallow it all down, but he keeps that fantasy locked away.

Right now, this is enough.

* * *

><p>It doesn't take long for Ciel to be on board with sex, at least in some capacity.<p>

Every weekend that Ciel is home they take another step closer to that place.

He has splendid timing, too; the weekend of Ciel's eighteenth birthday, not knowing that Sebastian has had two plane tickets for New York purchased for months already. He gets home to find his bags already packed and waiting by the door, ticket printout on top with a sticky gift bow attacked.

"Sebastian ?" Ciel turns around, getting it though it hasn't really sunk in yet.

"Happy birthday," Sebastian says, holding out his arms.

Ciel flies into them, bouncing and giddy and smothering Sebastian 's face in kisses.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you."

"Our flight leaves in two hours, so we need to head to the airport soon," Sebastian tells him. "I know I broke the cardinal rule of packing for you, but if I've left out anything major..."

"We can just go shopping?" Ciel kisses him again, messy with a too-big smile.

"Exactly," Sebastian says.

* * *

><p>They talk on the plane.<p>

They haven't had this talk yet. It's been long overdue, and Sebastian knows it.

"We're going apartment hunting on Monday," Sebastian says. "For you."

So far they've managed to completely avoid talking about the future like this, but Sebastian had already decided on it before he and Ciel got together. Ciel's college doesn't do student housing. He knows Ciel's been looking at places online, with one of his friends from his old school that he's kept in touch with.

Ciel doesn't say anything.

"Elizabeth can still live with you, if you want. I found some two-bedrooms, if her dads are willing to split the rent like that."

"But..." Ciel starts, and then stops. He looks to the side, out the airplane window.

"Ciel, you're still going to New York," Sebastian says. He's kind, but firm.

"I know," Ciel says. "Of course I am."

"I thought you'd be happy." Sebastian reaches for his hand. Ciel takes it gratefully.

"Are you? Happy? About me leaving?" Ciel asks.

"I'm..." Sebastian treads carefully. "I want this for this."

"But are you happy?"

He knows what Ciel is looking for, but that kind of honesty doesn't come easily to him. It might have, once, but he's learned a few lessons over the years.

He thinks about the other thing, the thing he hasn't mentioned to Ciel yet, because he needs to make sure that Ciel really wants this, too. He needs to make sure that he isn't weighing Ciel down with his own feelings imposed over Ciel's.

If what Ciel needs is for Sebastian to wear his heart on his sleeve, Sebastian will do it, though. "Ciel, I already miss you, and you won't be gone for another couple of months."

Ciel leans over and kisses him. Sebastian doesn't expect it, but as soon as Ciel's mouth is on his he realizes how much he needed it.

* * *

><p>It's late by the time their plane arrives, and even later when they pile out of the cab with their luggage and into the hotel lobby.<p>

He can tell Ciel is tired and somehow just the act of traveling has left Sebastian exhausted, too.

"I'm going to change first," Sebastian says, grabbing his bag and heading into the bathroom.

The room has two double beds. Sebastian isn't sure if Ciel will want to sleep in the bed with him or not, so he gives Ciel the chance to decide without calling attention to it.

When he comes back out, their bags are on one bed, piled obviously so that there's no room for a person in it, and Ciel is in the other.

Sebastian smiles, warmth settling across his chest. Ciel is staring at his tablet computer, smiling just a tiny little bit, his nervous smile. He's trying very hard to look casual and Sebastian disregards it entirely, taking the computer out of his hands and then bouncing onto the bed.

Ciel laughs. "Sebastian ! Are you five year old?"

"Maybe." Sebastian straddles him and pushes him into the pillow. "If I were five I'd probably do this-" He licks Ciel on the neck. "-instead of this."

He finishes it with a kiss, and then rolls off of Ciel onto his side of the bed.

"Are we going to..." Ciel still can't say it without blushing. It's probably a good thing he doesn't know how much that turns Sebastian on. "Fool around?"

"If you want to. Are you too tired?" Sebastian asks, reaching over and turning off the lamp on his side. He settles on the bed on one elbow, facing Ciel. "It doesn't matter. We can just sleep."

"I..." Ciel starts, and then stops. He turns his own light off, too. There's still some illumination from the city outside, enough for them to make out each other's expressions.

"That's not what you normally sleep in, is it?"

The question catches Sebastian off guard. "No... I usually just sleep in underwear."

It's a lie; he sleeps naked, but he doesn't think Ciel is quite ready for that.

"So, you should." Ciel says it decisively.

Sebastian sits up and strips off his t-shirt, then tugs his shorts off, too. The sheets and blanket around him get kicked down the bed in the process but he leaves them there, stretching out mostly naked and entirely visible to Ciel.

Ciel doesn't do anything.

"You can touch me," Sebastian says. "You don't have to, but you can."

Ciel reaches out with one hand and puts it right in the center of Sebastian's chest.

"You can take your shirt off, too, if you want."

"Not yet," Ciel says, leaning in and kissing Sebastian while his fingers stroke over Sebastian 's skin. One of them rubs over a nipple and Sebastian gasps.

"Oh-"

"Hm?" Sebastian murmurs, panting slightly.

"I like that. Making you sound like that."

"Keep touching me and you'll hear it again," Sebastian promises.

Ciel does. He touches, long and slow and thorough, with kisses to match. He touches and it's such an innocent, unassuming thing - Ciel doesn't even know what he's doing to Sebastian. He can see that Sebastian is rock hard and straining in his boxer briefs, but his hand never dares to go down that far.

Eventually he pulls back to take his own shirt off. Sebastian would love more than anything to turn the light back on but he knows the darkness afford Ciel some bravery he might not otherwise have, so he doesn't say anything.

Ciel's fingers scratch through the hair beneath Sebastian's belly button, over the hard stomach, and Sebastian shakes with the effort to hold back. He might have more stamina than a teenager but Ciel's been touching him for almost an hour and it's bordering on too much.

"Can I..." Ciel's kiss-swollen mouth rubs over the stubble on his jaw. "Can I touch your... cock?"

He almost comes hearing Ciel say it so hesitantly, so sweetly.

"Ciel, you can do anything to me you want," Sebastian groans out.

It's the absolute truth. If Ciel pulled out a ten inch dildo and said he wanted

Sebastian on his knees fucking himself on it right now Sebastian would just ask fast or slow. He's not sure anyone has ever unknowingly had so much power of him in bed.

Ciel hooks one leg over Sebastian's thighs and moves his hand down, palm rubbing firmly over Sebastian's aching hard on.

"Ciel-" Sebastian warns him. "It won't take much."

"Really?" Ciel sounds shocked. "Can I - I can make you come?"

"I think you're going to make me come whether you try or not," Sebastian admits.

There's no way he'll fall asleep without, at the very least, going into the bathroom to jerk off. "Do you want me to take them off?"

Ciel thinks about it. "Not yet?"

"Okay." Sebastian isn't actually disappointed; something about the process being drawn out like this, it's working for him. "Just - fuck. Like that, Ciel.."

Ciel rubs up and down again with his palm, steady strokes of pressure that have Sebastian arching up into it. He turns his head to the side, tendons in his neck straining, sweat beading his forehead. "Ciel-" He gets out one more warning before he's fucking up into Ciel's hand and coming hard with a broken cry.

He feels Ciel pushing into his hip as he comes down from an orgasm that feels, for a few moments, like it might never end. He's glad it does though, glad he doesn't miss Ciel grinding to completion against him.

Sebastian turns and gathers Ciel up and kisses him hard, moaning. "Fuck. That was - Ciel."

The kisses slow, soften and sweeten as Ciel grows tired. They take turns in the bathroom to clean up, and Sebastian gets back into bed wearing just the shorts he'd abandoned before.

Ciel leaves his shirt off too, and Sebastian is glad. He likes that when he settles in behind Ciel and spoons up to him that there's nothing but skin to skin.

* * *

><p>Ciel wakes up in the morning to the sound of Sebastian coming back in the room.<p>

The clock on the table tells him that it's half past ten. "Wow," he says, turning his face into the pillow and burrowing down for a second before he rolls over. "I slept in."

"Yep." Sebastian walks across the room with a tray. "I ordered breakfast, so I was about to wake you up. Glad you got up on your own."

Sebastian is still mostly naked and the heat spears through Ciel. He's having breakfast in bed served to him by a gorgeous man whose penis he is going to touch very, very soon. He's pretty sure this is already going down in the record books as the best eighteenth birthday over.

* * *

><p>After breakfast Sebastian makes him shower, despite all attempts Ciel makes to derail the day's plans and insist that he'd rather spend them in bed.<p>

They have an appointment with a real estate agent, though, and Sebastian won't be budged.

The first apartment they look at is further away from the college than Sebastian thought. The second is a shoebox, which Ciel expects but not for the price they're asking.

The third is a one bedroom, a fifth floor apartment in a building with no elevator but it's across from a subway stop and it has a perfect view of the city, not blocked by any graffiti-filled brick wall or otherwise uninspiring billboard type thing.

"Do you think you want to be this close quarters to Elizabeth?" Sebastian asks.

The real estate agent has left them alone, gone outside to make some calls and give them privacy to discuss.

Ciel shrugs. "I was thinking... I might not move in with her."

"What?" Sebastian looks over at him. "You were so excited about it at the beginning of the year."

"Yeah, but... if it's just me... you can visit a lot?" Ciel asks, hoping that the wish isn't naive. "If you were counting on half of the rent coming from Elizabeth, I can get a job - I mean, I would have anyway, I think."

"You know I want you to concentrate on school," Sebastian says. It sounds like an automatic response, though, and it's not really what Ciel had wanted him to focus on with that statement.

"Sebastian =?" Ciel prompts him when Sebastian doesn't say anything.

"I - can you give me a second?" Sebastian asks. "I need to call someone."

He leaves before Ciel can even say anything.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later, he's back.<p>

Ciel is thoroughly confused, because the first thing out of Sebastian's mouth is,

"We're getting this place."

"What?"

"I've been working on something. I didn't want to say anything until I was sure, and - I'm still not. It could still fall through. But I made a proposal to the music department of the school that we work with, to see if they'd be interested in paying someone to provide in-person tutorials to their teaching crew."

"What?" Ciel knows there's something here but he's not catching on fast enough, Sebastian's words flying out of his mouth with excitement.

"Me - I'm going to teach in New York. Part time, it's only part time - to begin with, at least. I'm going to let someone else run the studio at home, so I can be here at least a week or two a month."

"Really?" Ciel has to remind himself to breathe. "Sebastian, really?"

"Yes. I just... I can't stand the idea of being that far apart from you."

"Oh my God, Sebastian." Ciel raises a hand to his mouth. "Really?"

Sebastian laughs. "Yes. Really. Are you okay with that?"

Ciel lunges at Sebastian, almost knocking him back. "Yes."

"I just... I love you, Ciel." Sebastian's arms go tight around him. "I don't want to be apart from you just when we are really getting started. And in New York, we can be... together. No one will think anything about it. No one knows us. I'll just be your slightly older-"

"-but devastatingly handsome-"

"-but devastatingly handsome boyfriend," Sebastian finishes.

It's only then that Sebastian's choice of words really sink in. "Sebastian ." Ciel smiles so hard that his face hurts. "I love you, too."

Sebastian leans down to kiss Ciel's forehead now. "Then are we getting this apartment?"

"Yes," Ciel says, taking Sebastian's hands. "I want to live here with you."

* * *

><p>They sign the paperwork that afternoon.<p>

They won't move in for at least three weeks, but Sebastian will have meetings lined up to discuss his contract and they don't want to lose their chance at the place.

Ciel doesn't mind the idea of leaving early if Sebastian is coming with him. In fact, the idea of starting their life in the city together as soon as possible... sounds close to perfect.

* * *

><p><strong>Now, that I think about it, I am not completely satisfied with this story. Maybe, just maybe I could do a sequel? I don't know yet though, only if enough people like it! Review please! <strong>


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